Naruto: Behind the Scenes
by cg2006
Summary: Naruto: Behind the Scenes! OH the CHAOS! What REALLY goes on behind the set of Naruto? OOC probably, but who knows what the Naruto cast are REALLY like? T for things that might just scar you for life. Wow, been a while since I last updated. New chapter!
1. Sakura and Naruto

**I don't own Naruto characters...**

um.. so this is like, The Naruto characters are real and they take a camera "behind the scenes" and such.. um... so they'd have to be AU i guess? ..um..yeah, just read please!

* * *

_(busy people behind girl with pink hair, who looks annoyed) _

Sakura: Ne, Naruto, turn the camera on!

Naruto: _(From behind camera) _It **is **on!

Sakura: Huh? Ah!! Why didn't you tell me?!

Naruto: B-but I--?!  


Sakura: **Shh**! _(smiles at camera)_ Konnichiwa! Welcome to Naruto: Behind the Scenes! I'm Haruno Sakura! Behind the camera is Uzumaki Naruto!

_(Camera spins around rapidly to a blonde boy) _

Naruto: _(grins at lens)_ HI!! I"m Uzumaki Naruto! I play Uzumaki Naruto!

_(camera swivels back to Sakura)_

Sakura: Anyway, here's Behind the Scenes! Starring me, who plays Sakura Haruno! As if that was too hard to guess...

Naruto: And me! Starring me!

Sakura: You're camera person!

Naruto: So?

Sakura: We don't even see you most of the time! You're just talking behind the camera!

Naruto: So what?!! I'm still here!

Sakura: Whatever, baka. Anyway, Starring--

Naruto: **Naruto **and Sakura!

Sakura: ... yeah, uh, our names are the same.

Naruto: Yeah, saves the writer's the hassle of having to make up names.

Sakura: Oh, yes, that's like the worst part in writing stories!.

Naruto: You write?

Sakura: Of course! Everyone writes!

Naruto: ...

Sakura: ? So, as a behind the scenes tour..we'll um... take you to meet some of the other actors!! Um.. oh, Sasuke-kun!!

Naruto: _(groan)_ Why emo boy?

Sakura: Naruto, **get over here**!  


_(camera moves unsteadily and turns to a boy with black hair who is sitting in a dark corner, scribbling in a notebook)_

Sakura: Sasuke kun!

Naruto: Yo, emo boy.

Sasuke: _(looks up)_

Sakura: Hi Sasuke kun! We're filming behind the scenes right now! And we're gonna meet all the actors and actresses! Of course, you first, Sasuke-kun!

Sasuke: oh.

Naruto: _(grumble grumble)_

Sasuke: Oi, Naruto.

Naruto: What.

Sasuke: Shut up.

Naruto: Shut up yourself, **bastard**!

Sakura: You two! You still don't know how to get along with each other!

Naruto: Yeah, we don't have to act on set at all.

Sasuke: Hn.

Sakura: _(glare)_ Anyway!! Sasuke, introduce yourself!

Sasuke: _(raises eyebrow)_ ..I'm Uchiha Sasuke and I play Uchiha Sasuke?

Sakura: Right! And you have a brother on set too, right? Uchiha Itachi?

Sasuke: ..._(twitch)_

Sakura: Sasuke?

Sasuke: ...

Sakura: Hm, well, lets introduce Uchiha Itachi too! Where's Itachi-san? Let's get Itachi over here-- **ITACHI SAN!!!**

Naruto: Oh, my **ears**...

_(man with long black hair in a pony tail appears)_

Itachi: Yo!! Hey, Little Bro!! **WASSUP**?!! _(noogie)_

Sasuke: Aargh!!

Naruto: Be careful, Itachi, emo-bastard doesn't want his hair messed up; he goes on in ten._ (snicker)_

Itachi: Ah, of course. What do you have a camera for?

Sakura: This is behind the scenes!

Itachi: Well, **duh**...

Sakura: _(glare) _As in, we're giving a special tour behind the scenes of Naruto.

Itachi: ...oh! Right! I remember; the director dude said something about it the other day, didn't he?

Sakura: **Yes**, now, introduce yourself!

Itachi: Do I have to? I'm sure they all know me.

Sakura: Do it.

Itachi: I am the **uber smexy and totally awesome** Uchiha Itachi! Older brother of dear little Sasuke-chan!!

Sasuke: **Don**'t...**call me **...**that**...

Sakura: _(whispers to camera) _They're on more "friendly" terms in real life, than on set.

Naruto: Sure...

Itachi: Yeah, whatever Sasu-chan! **OH MY GOD!!** Deidara's gonna blow up one of Kankuro's spare puppets!!

Naruto: Really? Awesome! I **gotta **see that!!!

_(off in the distance:)_

Voice 1: Come on! Let me just have this one, Kanky!

Voice 2: **NO**! And don't call me Kanky! Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing?!! I NEED THAT ONE!!!

Voice 1: What for? It's a spare!

Voice 2: Not anymore it's not! You already blew up Karasu the first, AND the second!!!

Voice 1: No i didn't! Kisame hacked it in half!

Voice 3: Tattletale!

Voice 2: **DEIDARA, GIVE ME THE DAMN PUPPET!!**

Itachi: See? Well, I"m off!

Naruto: Hey!! Wait for me!! Naruto: Behind the Scenes! Uzumaki Naruto signing off!!--_HEY I SAID WAIT!!!!!!!!_

Sakura: What?! Oi, Naru--

_(screen goes blank)_

* * *

And so..that's it... Hope it gave a few laughs..maybe? I dunno. If you've read this far, you're probably going "WTF?" but.. hehe. Should I write another one? I did have a second one, actually. Kiba and Hinata. I dunno, would that be a good idea? Review with opinions/suggestions! 


	2. Sai and Sasuke

**I don't own Naruto characters...They pwnses youses!!**

* * *

_(Boy with short black hair is staring right at the camera. Lots of trailers out behind the boy. It is a sunny cloudless afternoon.)_

Sasuke: Will you stop staring right at the camera?

Sai: is it on yet?

Sasuke: It's been on for a whole minute already.

Sai:**Wah**!! Sasuke-kun, why didn't you tell me?!

Sasuke: I thought I di—! (**a/n:** sound familiar? Hehe, actually I just noticed…)

Sai: Hello there and welcome! It is a beautiful sunny afternoon here on Naruto: Behind the Scenes! Sasuke-kun? Did you just roll your eyes?

Sasuke: no.

Sai: Yes you did! Ah, see, you're doing it again!

Sasuke: Stay on topic will you?

Sai: Huh? Oh, right. Um…what was I saying again?

Sasuke:_(sigh)_ Introduce yourself…

Sai: Oh, yeah, I probably should. Hello! My name is Sai and I play Sai in Naruto! You probably haven't seen me much yet, I only got to make a brief appearance in the new Naruto Shippuden series! _(smile)_ Behind the camera is…

Sasuke: Sasuke Uchiha…who is Sasuke Uchiha…

Sai: Turn the camera around!

Sasuke: no.

Sai: Come on! Turn it around so they can see your pretty face!

Sasuke: **NO**.

_(Sai gets bigger in the camera. There is temporary chaos and Sai's whiny voice is heard along with Sasuke's shouts of protest. Bunch of colors are seen and lots of blurs. We then see another not-Sai boy who has spiky black hair and is wearing a black t-shirt and white shorts. He does not look happy.)_

Sai: Behold! Sasuke Uchiha!

Sasuke: Sai, give me the damn camera back!

Sai: Okay! **Catch**!

Sasuke: wha--?!

_(more colors and blurs, especially blue..ooh pretty… camera focuses on Sai again.)_

Sasuke: **WHAT THE HELL DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?!!** This is a freaking _camera_! Not a ball!

Sai: I'm sorry, Sasuke-kun.

Sasuke: It's hard to believe you're actually older than me…

Sai: Did you know me and Sasuke-kun and Itachi-san are related?

Sasuke: that is completely off topic.

Sai: Yeah, we are! Cousins!

_(sigh…blurs again…we see Sai with an arm draped over Sasuke.)_

Sai: Can't you see the resemblance?

Sasuke: I don't look _anything _like you.

Sai: Psh, oh look at you! You're so modest, you won't even admit you're related to the **great** **and famous** Sai! _(Slaps Sasuke on the back. Sasuke falls on the ground)_ Sasuke Uchiha, you flatter me!! _(squeal)_

Sasuke: Yeah, Sai who doesn't even have a last name… **Give me the camera!** You're forgetting what we're here for.

Sai: What? Oh, right. For behind the scenes, we're here in the trailer park on this splendidly magnificent, **superbly** hot and sunny afternoon! The actors and actresses get their own trailer! See, lookie, there's mine!!! And right next to it is Sasuke's! Show them Sasuke-kun!!_ (reaches forward and turns camera in direction of two trailers that look exactly the same as the others, only one of them seems to look somewhat more… er, different…)_ Anyway, c'mon, let's go! _(reaches forward again)_

Sasuke: H-hey?! Stop dragging me, where are we going?!

_(Sai is pulling an invisible hand that belongs to Sasuke who is still behind the camera. They stop in front of one trailer.)_

Sai: We're heeeerre!"

Sasuke: Wait, this is…isn't this--?!

Sai: Yep! It's _Naruto-kun's_ place!! _(knocks loudly on door)_ Naruto-kuuun!!!

_(yelling is heard behind the door. Then there is a thumping sound, like footsteps. The door opens and reveals a surprised Naruto wearing an orange t-shirt and white shorts.)_

Naruto: Eh? Sai? What are you doing here?

Sai: …

Naruto: Sai?

Sai: You're wearing the **same shorts** as Sasuke-kun!! _(points in direction of camera)_

Naruto: Hm? Oh. _(Glares)_ Hey bastard.

Sasuke: Shut up, I don't want to deal with you.

Naruto: ooh, someone's cranky.

Sai: Don't mind Sasuke-kun! He's just a little grouchy cuz it's all nice and sunny and hot!

Sasuke: Yeah, just the way I **hate** it… (1)

Naruto: Well, you know what bastard, I **like** it this way. _(Turns to Sai)_ So what are you guys doing here anyway?

Sai: Behind the scenes!!

Naruto: _(grins)_ Really, oh cool! Me and Sakura did that too the other day. Um …so why are you here?...

Voice 1: Naruto, who is it? Tell them to come in! What kind of host are you, letting your guests stand out in the hot sun anyway?

Naruto: Hai, hai, Sakura-chan… _(grumbles)_ Who does she think she is, bossing me around in my own trailer! Sheesh! Well, come on in Sai… bastard…

_(Naruto turns around and goes back into the trailer)_

Sai: Come on Sasuke!

_(Sai goes in. A sigh is heard and camera shakes and goes through the door. Inside the trailer is a bunch of books, paper, and ramen cups, all on the floor. Sakura is wearing a pink tank top and light green shorts. She is sitting at a table in front of a laptop.)_

Sakura: Oh, it's you guys? Hi Sasuke-kun! Sai!

Sai: Hey, what's up?

Sakura: I'm on this website called "fanfiction . net"

Sai: Ah, yes, I've been on there before!

Naruto: Really? What's it about? Sakura was just starting to tell me when you guys started banging on my door.

Sai: It's a site where people write fanfiction! Fanfiction are stories about something written by the fans!

Naruto: ? oh…kay..

Sakura: Yeah, I'm looking up some Naruto fanfics right now.

Naruto: Oh, cool! There's stuff about me?

Sakura: There's stuff about all of us. See, come look!

Naruto: Pairings?

Sai: Yeah, y'know, pairings? As in like…me and Sakura? _(Smirks)_

Sakura:_(Smacks Sai)_ Never in a million years.

Sai: Ow… how about in a million and **one**?

Sakura:_(glare)_ …

Sai: Just kidding!! Or… _(grin)_ you and me, Naruto-kun.

_(choking/gagging sound behind the camera)_

Naruto:_(blush)_ W-what the hell? Are you serious?

Sakura: Hee, yeah, right there, see? _(points at laptop screen)_

Naruto:**Gah**!! No way!

Sai: Yep, better **believe it,** Naruto-kun! You know, there's also…Neji, Gaara, me, even **Itachi** that you're paired with!

Naruto: ohmygod… _(looks about to faint_)

Sakura: Oh, Naruto! Here's my favorite fanfic! Come read it! _(gets up from the table and looks at camera)_ you too, Sasuke!

Sai: Oh yes, Sasuke, you should come read this one! _(Smiles)_ I'll hold the camera!

_(camera is a little shaky and Sasuke is seen walking uncertainly to the laptop next to Naruto. Both boys look at the screen for a few minutes when suddenly a blush slowly covers their face.)_

Naruto: W-what the **hell** is this?!

Sasuke: …

Naruto: "fanfic?" This is fan _porn_! What's worse—it's me and the _**bastard**!_

_(Sasuke turns around with a face the color of Sakura's ninja outfit onset, and coughs.)_

Sasuke: What kind of sick joke is this?

Naruto: Yeah, really! I'm outta here! _(Stomps out of trailer)_

Sasuke: Stupid idiot just kicked himself out of his own trailer… _(leaves trailer as well.)_

Sai and Sakura: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!'

Sai:**Oh ehm gee**, that was so priceless!!

Sakura: I agree, hee hee. _(walks back to the laptop)_ hey, they hadn't even finished reading it yet!

_(camera walks closer to the laptop.)_

Sai: …

_(they both burst out laughing again.)_

Sakura: Oops! I accidentally showed them the lemon chapter! _(giggle)_

Sai: Ha, no wonder!! Oh my god, this is so great, I'm glad I got that on tape. Well, this is Naruto: Behind the Scenes! Have a great day!

Sakura: Bye!! _(waves at camera)_

_(screen goes black)_

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(1) Hehe, I said that one day. It was so sunny and warm but now, a few days later, it's snowing and we just had this awesome…somewhat storm thing. It was cool. The power was out for hours. 

yay done!! I did say I was gonna do Kiba and Hinata next, but… I just wanted to do this one!! Hehe. I will try to do Kiba and Hinata next chapter! Hope it was funny! I love to imagine how Sasuke and Naruto would react if they saw a SasuNaru fanfic or comic. Lmao.


	3. Kiba and Hinata

I don't own Naruto... and there is an OC here. just a warning...but she's here for a good cause and the story doesn't revolve around her.

* * *

_(Kingdom Hearts II is on a TV screen. Sora is fighting through 1000 Heartless (**a/n: my favorite part!) **Camera zooms out. Sitting around a big black TV on a couch together are Kiba, Sasuke and Naruto. Sasuke and Naruto are watching. Kiba sits in between them with the controller.)_

Hinata: Ano, Kiba?

_(Wow, Sora killed 5 Heartless in one second!)_

Hinata: Ahem, **KIBA**?

_(only 769 more Heartless to go, Sora!)_

Hinata: Kiba…

Kiba: _(turns head)_ What? I'm kind of in the middle of something…

_(screen goes black…is turned back on again, in the same place)_

Kiba: Yeah, alright, you should have said so in the first place. _(pulls up jeans, tugs down blue sweatshirt)_ Um, it's on now right? The camera?

_(Hinata points at red light)_

Kiba: Yeah…_(mutter)_ girl freaking **cracked her knuckles** at me…

Hinata: What was that? Kiba-**kun**?

Kiba: Uh, nothing! _(turns to Sasuke and Naruto)_ You finish killing them for me, okay? I'll be back in…_(glances at camera)_ a few minutes. Don't do anything stupid.

Naruto: Okay Kiba!

_(Sora goes back into a continuous combo of "Rising Sun.")_

Sasuke: Hey, let me do it. You kill Sora and Kiba will come kill you.

Naruto: Ha! I won't die. Why would you care if Kiba kills me anyway?

Sasuke: I wouldn't. I'd stand by and watch him tear you to shreds with his bare hands. Then I'll wallow in your freshly shed blood and savor the moment of peace.

_(Sora pauses in the middle of killing a Heartless—ooh, look: pretty sparkly hearts)_

Naruto: …you are one **freaky** kid, y'know that?

Kiba: Alright, Hinata. Let's go.

_(camera is shaky and moves out of door. Kiba closes it. It says "Kiba Inuzuka")_

Kiba: What now?

Hinata: Introduce yourself!

Kiba: What? Why? You should all know me by now! I mean, I **totally kick ass** with Akamaru on set right?

Hinata: Don't get too cocky, Inuzuka.

Kiba: _(sigh)_ yeah, whatever. I'm Kiba Inuzuka, and you **really** ought to know who I play or you've seriously got something wrong with your head.

Hinata: Kiba!

Kiba: Behind the camera is a pretty, yet **very violent** girl named Hinata Hyuuga, who sadly doesn't act anything like her character in the Naruto when she's off set. I mean, look, see? _(rolls up sleeve)_ I got that burn right there from her!

Hinata: I didn't **mean** to hit you with the pan! What were you doing behind me anyway?

Kiba: What were you doing waving the pan around in the air?! I was making sure you didn't burn anything. Unfortunately, you did: **my ARM**.

Hinata: The food was fine wasn't it?!

Voice 1: Oh, look at the two of you. Fighting like a married couple.

Kiba&Hinata: **WE ARE NOT!**

Voice 1: Tsk…

_(camera turns. We see a man around age thirty with tanned skin and brown hair tied back in a ponytail.)_

Hinata: Iruka!

Iruka: Iruka-**sensei**.

Kiba: That's only on set.

Iruka: No, not just when filming! I teach Hinata cooking too! By the way, how are things going in the kitchen?

Hinata: Great! They're great, I'm doing great!

Kiba: _(snort)_… _(looks at camera)_ Er, I mean, sure, of course it's great.

Iruka: Well, it was nice running into you two, though we just saw each other 45 minutes ago.

Kiba: Where are you going?

Iruka: Uh…going to have a coffee with someone! Ja ne! (See you later!) _(hurries off)_

Kiba: Wonder who that **someone** is…?

Hinata: So, what are we going to do?  
Kiba: I dunno. _(Shoves hand in pockets)_

Hinata: Well—

Voice 1: Hiiii!!

_(camera swerves to the left. There is an adorable little toddler with short blonde hair and blue eyes. She is wearing a pale yellow sundress.)_

Hinata: Oh, hello there Asako-chan!

Asako: Hina-chan! _(toddles to Kiba)_ Kiba-chan!!

Kiba: _(picks up Asako)_ Yo, Asako! What's up?

Asako: Hee hee! _(pulls Kiba's hair. Hard.)_

Kiba: **Yow**!

Hinata: This is Asako Uzumaki! Naruto-kun's little sister! She's two years old. Wave to the camera, Asako-chan!

Asako: _(opens and closes fist)_ Bye bye!

Hinata: She was actually the little baby Naruto in the beginning of the series. You know, when Naruto is lying in a cradle and he just got the Kyuubi sealed in him. That was actually little Asako a couple of years ago!

Asako: Where's Nato-nii chan?

Kiba: Naruto? He's in my room. _(puts Asako down and opens door.)_ Run, run to your beloved older brother!

Asako: _(puts a small finger to her lips)_ Shh! _(toddles into Kiba's room)_

Sasuke: You've got a visitor.

Asako: **Boo**!!

Naruto: **Gaah**!! Asako-chan, you scared me!

Hinata: Aw, Asako is so kawaii!!!

Asako: Okay, bye bye, Nato-nii chan! _(walks out and closes door)_

Kiba: Hey, aren't you gonna stay with your brother?  
Asako: Nope! Kiba-chan and Hina-chan play with me! Come on! _(grabs Kiba by the hand)_

_(camera follows Kiba and Asako)_

Kiba: Hey, wait, where are we going?!

Asako: Play! _(giggle)_

Kiba: No, wait! Wait! Asako-chan, um, me and Hina-chan are busy right now. We can't play with you.

Asako: _(pout)_ aww…then Kiba-chan play with me later?

Kiba: Um…yeah, sure.

Asako: Okay! Then…you and Hina-chan wait here okay? _(opens door)_

Kiba: Huh, what?

Hinata: Uh, Asako-chan, what are you doing?

Asako: Wait here and I'll come play with you later okay? Bye bye! _(pushes Kiba and Hinata)_

Kiba&Hinata: A-asako?!!

_(door closes)_

Kiba: _(pounds on door)_ Hey, Asako! Let us out! She locked us in! _(presses ear to door)_ Aargh! She locked us in! She. **Locked**. Us. **In**!

Hinata: I heard the first time, **baka**! Here, hold the camera!

_(camera shakes and blurs before settling on a girl with long black hair wearing a black t-shirt and jeans)_

Hinata: Asako? Asako-chan? Are you still out there? _(beats the poor abused slab of wood)_ You locked the door! **Asako?!** _(turns to camera)_ She's gone! Ugh_. (slumps against the door)_

Kiba: So…what now?

Hinata: _(glare)_ Well, we stay in this …closet or whatever until someone walks by. Then we yell for them to let us out.

Kiba: Brilliant plan…

Hinata: Well, can **you** think of anything better, Kiba-**kun**? _(menacing look)_

_(silence…then there is a faint "click" sound. Hinata jumps up)_

Hinata: Was that the door? _(turns knob)_ It's unlocked! Yes! Now I'm free from this stupid closet with Dogboy!

_(camera swivels around to face Kiba, who is sobbing at the camera)_

Kiba: _(sniff)_ They're making fun of me with my character role…_(sniff)_

Hinata: **AAAHHH!!**

Kiba: Crap! What?!!

Hinata: The door's unlocked but—

Kiba: But what?

Hinata: It's tied to the knob across the hall…

Kiba: Oh, damn. How far does the door open?

Hinata: …not very much...

Kiba: Can you—

Voice 1: Hey, what's up Hinata-chan?

Hinata: Naruto-kun?

Kiba: Yo, Naruto! Your sister locked us in a closet!

Naruto: Heh, yeah, I know.

Hinta&Kiba: **WHAT?!!**

Naruto: I told her to. Right, Asako-chan?

Asako: Nato-nii chan! Can I have ramen now?

Naruto: Of course. Ja ne, guys! (See you later!) Have fun in the closet!!

Hinata: Naruto! NARUTO UZUMAKI **GET YOUR BUTT BACK HERE NOW!!!** Oh my god, I can't **believe** him! When I get out—

Kiba: **We**. When **we** get out.

Hinata: I'm gonna—

Kiba: Hey, I got a pocket knife. Can you get your hand through and cut the string?

Hinata: Er, I can try. I'm pretty sure my hand will fit through… Um, aren't you going to give me the knife?

Kiba: mn…not quite sure if I really trust you with one…

Hinata: Give me the knife, Inuzuka.

Kiba: Okay!! …eep.

_(Hinata has the knife and squeezes her hand through.)_

Kiba: _(whistles)_ You got tiny hands.

Hinata: Yeah, but they'll be big enough to fit around Naruto's neck! Ah, got it! _(wrenches door open and runs out)_ Naruto, you're **dead meat**!!

_(camera turns to Kiba again)_

Kiba: Y'know, when she's like that, I call her "Older Sakura the Second." Pretty, yet **extremely** lethal… _(sticks laminated paper anime sweat drop on his head.)_ Naruto: Behind the Scenes, hope you had a great time…

_(Screaming in the back ground outside of the closet is heard…_

_Screen goes black)

* * *

_

Haha, Hinata is kinda mean… . Well, hope it was good, I think like…two? Of my reviewers said they really wanted to see Hinata… so I wanted to make it as best as I could! Hope it was funny!! Next: might be Neji and Tenten… 


	4. Neji and Tenten

_(a very large pink blur fills the whole screen. Zooms out. "Tough…"…zooms out more. "Tough guys wear…" zoom out! "Tough guys wear pink"…okay, last zoom out. We see a …er, person with long brown hair and light eyes. Appears to be sitting in a booth…)_

Tenten: _(behind camera)_ Neji!

Neji: Yes?

Tenten: What's with that shirt?!

Neji:_ (looks down)_ This shirt? What do you mean? What is wrong with it?

Tenten: It's…it's **pink**!

Neji:_ (frowns)_ I should think so. It certainly isn't blue.

Tenten: Aah! Stop with your smart ass comments!

Neji: My "smart ass comments?" What is wrong with them?

Tenten: Just **shut up **Neji!

Neji: Okay! _(very straight face)_

Neji: What? Why do you look at me with such intensity burning in your beautiful eyes Tenten-san?

Tenten: **STOP IT!** STOP WITH THE…THE STUPID FORMAL VOICE THING!

Neji: Of course, Tenten-san.

Tenten:_ (strained voice)_ You just **love **getting on my nerves don't you?

Neji:_ (smiles)_ Oh why do you roll your striking chocolate brown eyes at me like that Tenten-san?

Tenten: Shut up.

Neji:_ (dramatically thumps his hand on his chest)_ Oh Tenten-san! What a marvelous rose blush on your perfectly lovely face!

Tenten: Neji…if you don't shut up…

Neji: Yes, fine-looking Tenten-san?

Tenten:** I. Will. Shave. Your. Head.**

Neji: **GASP!!! **NO!!! _(clutches hair)_ Not my beautiful hair!

Tenten: Alright then, SHUT UP and introduce yourself.

Neji:_ (still clutching hair)_ How can I introduce myself if I'm supposed to shut up?

Tenten: razors…

Neji:_ (unclutches hair and straightens self)_ Konnichiwa, and welcome to Naruto: Behind the Scenes! Starring your host, Neji Hyuuga! Behind the camera is Tenten… who… doesn't have a surname?

Tenten: No.

Neji:_ (whispers)_ I think she does, but she hides it. Must be really embarrassing or something…

Tenten:_ (very loudly)_ So…Neji. Explain what you are doing out here on this fine sunny afternoon?

Neji: I am doing a palm reading booth.

Tenten: Really. I didn't know you were into that sort of stuff.

Neji: Well I am.

Tenten: Do you really know how to read palms?

Neji: Of course.

Tenten: Wow. Didn't know that.

Neji: Well now you do.

Tenten: Hmph.

Neji: I charge 600 yen per reading (**a/n**: a little over $5), miss.

Tenten: Isn't that quite a bit?

Neji: A fair price for a telling of your future, miss.

Tenten: (_snort)_ Right.

Neji:_ (looking straight at the camera…we think)_ Do you not believe in the traditional fortune telling, miss?

Tenten: No. And stop calling me "miss."

Neji: Gasp! You don't? Not palm reading? _Tarot cards?_ _**Horoscopes?!!**_

Tenten: No, why should I? They're scams, a waste of time and **definitely **a waste of money.

Neji:_ (stare)_ …

Tenten: Neji? Um…Neji?  


Neji: _(screams)_ **SHUN THE NON-BELIEVEER!!!** (1)

Tenten: What the--?!! **Neji**! Don't scare me like that!

Neji: (_ahem)_ My humble apologies, miss. _(hisses)_ non-believer!

Tenten: Well, have you gotten many customers?

Neji:_ (normal voice)_ Actually, business was quite good yesterday. I think it was because it was a Saturday. I get more customers then. _(hisses)_ non-believer!

Tenten: How about this morning? How many did you get?

Neji:_ (hissing)_ _n_on-believer non-believer non-believer non-believer non-believer!!

Tenten: Neji? Hey…

Neji:non-believer non-believer non-believer—

Tenten:** Buzz cut** or **crew**?

Neji:_ (normal voice)_ 4200 yen this morning!

Tenten: …okay…

Neji: That's seven reading, miss.

Tenten: I know! Stop calling me "miss!"

Neji:** Eep**!

_(camera swivels around slowly a bit. We see various other shops selling mostly food but some sold clothing. Lots of people shopping outside wearing summer apparel. It is sunny with a few fat clouds in the sky, occasionally blocking the sun, screwing up the lighting. Returns to Neji.)_

Tenten: So you just sit here the whole day?

Neji:_ (points)_ I usually go to the ramen shop over there for meals, unless Hinata makes a bento and forces me to eat it.

Tenten: Oh.

_(camera goes back to the streets. Lots of people moving by. Occasional scream is heard from the children. Lots of laughter and chatting. This is the scene for about 20 seconds.)_

Tenten: So you just sit here and watch people walk by?

Neji: When I don't have customers, yes.

Tenten: But…how can you just…sit there?

Neji: uh… like this?

Tenten: Don't you feel like getting up? Going shopping on a nice afternoon like this?

Neji: I set up a palm reading booth so I could stick my nose into other people's lives and to make money off it to spend **later**.

Tenten: But, I mean…ugh, never mind.

Neji: You're ADD.

Tenten: Am **not**!

Neji: You're hopping around. And you're making the camera shake.

Tenten: Oh. Sorry. Why do you sound so melancholy all of a sudden?

Neji: I am being professional-like. Who would want their palm read by me if I sounded like Naruto?

Tenten: Ah, point.

Neji: Yes, of course.

Voice 1: Hey, Tenten! What's up?

Neji: Speak of the devil.

_(camera moves and we see a blonde teenager wearing a green t-shirt and khaki shorts. He is waving furiously at the camera and is dragging along another boy with black hair who is wearing a black and red sleeveless shirt and grey shorts. He doesn't look very pleased.)_

Tenten: Konnichiwa, Naruto! Sasuke!

Neji: Konnichiwa.

Naruto: Eh? Oh, hi Neji! Nice shirt.

Neji: Thank you.

Sasuke: Hn.

Neji: Hello, duckhead.

Sasuke: Shut up. Don't call me that.

Neji: Would you prefer dickhead then?

Naruto: Ooh! **Burn**!

Tenten: _(giggle)_

Sasuke: Shut the _(bleep)_ up, Hyuuga.

Neji: Language, Uchiha. Why are you so hostile? Not at all like your social butterfly brother, Itachi.

Sasuke: I said shut up!

Naruto: Teme, chill. So what are you doing here, Neji?

Neji: Palm reading. _(points)_ Hence the sign.

Naruto: Oh, cool! Can you show me?

Tenten: Pft. Neji wouldn't show—

Neji: Hold out your right hand.

Naruto: _(sticks out right hand on table and points)_ What's that line?

Neji: That is your head line.

Naruto: Oh, and what about that… weird one with lots of overlaps and stuff right there?

Neji: That is your heart line.

Naruto: And what about this **really **big one right here?

Neji: That indicates one's stupidity.

Sasuke: _(snort)_

Naruto: Heey…that wasn't nice! _(pout)_ You're meaner than **Hinata when she's PMSing!** _(stomps away)_

Neji: **Gasp**! I am not **THAT **mean!

Sasuke: Hn. Why do you say "gasp" anyway?

Neji: Because I want to. Got a problem with that, Uchiha?

Sasuke: It's dumb.

Naruto: _(out of range of camera)_ Hey Sasuke! I'm hungry! Can you buy me some ramen?

Sasuke:_ (rolls eyes)_ I'm going to be broke… _(turns to leave)_ Quit pouting, dobe!

Naruto: Hurry **up**!

Neji: _(smirks)_ I can see why you fell for him, Uchiha. He's cute when he pouts.

Sasuke: _(red faced)_ I did **NOT **fall for him!…and don't say he's cute!… it's weird. _(stomps off to ramen shop)_

Neji: The youth in denial…

Tenten: Don't say that. You sound old when you do that.

Neji: I am old and wise…

Tenten: They're **so **cute together though!

Neji: I'd feel sorry for Naruto if he had to stay with that bastard for the rest of his life though.

Tenten: Sasuke's not **that **bad…why do you two hate each other so much?

Neji: Childhood grudge.

Tenten: Oh.

Neji: And it's fun to push his buttons.

Tenten: True… _(giggle)_

Neji: Although maybe if he spent more time with Naruto he might **finally **be able to get that stick out of his ass. Then I might actually be able to tolerate him for a while.

Tenten: Neji!

Neji: What?

Tenten: _(sigh)_ boys… Hey, does that line really show how dumb someone is?

Neji: No, it's the life line. The longer it is, the longer the person will live (2).

Tenten: _(sigh)_ Really? Good, because mine is really long too.

Neji: Well, good for you. Want a reading? I'll give you a discount and you pay 400 yen.

Tenten: No.

Neji: _(twitch and hisses)_ non-believer!

Tenten: So what now?

Neji: We await my next customers.

_(camera turns to the streets again…one woman has loads of shopping bags on her arms. A dog is gnawing on a delivery guy's ankle. Naruto glomps Sasuke, who is red faced again, as thanks for paying for the ramen. Multiple cell phones go off at the same time and some teenager standing at a shop with his cell phone snickers. A kid chases a cat and falls flat on his face.)_

Tenten: That shirt still bugs me, you know?

Neji: What, me? You should at least look at me if you're talking to me.

_(we see Neji braiding his hair and looking…somewhere off to the side? with a bored expression on his face)_

Tenten: Your shirt!

Neji: What's wrong with it?

Tenten: It's **pink**!

Neji: …didn't we have this conversation before?

Tenten: Why is it **pink**? And what does it **say**? (**a/n**: they're in Japan…hence the –san and –kun, -chan, etc. earlier… although I was trying to forget that and make a conversation that defies the Japanese language…stuff… Japanenglish, yeah..)

Neji: It's in English. It says "Tough guys wear pink."

Tenten: _(bursts out laughing)_

_(camera is shaky and the tough guy becomes a big brown and pink blur.)_

Tenten: ha ha…oh…that was a good laugh. Where did you get that shirt?

Neji: Deidara-san bought it for me when he went to America.

Tenten: He went to America?

Neji: Yeah, for an art exhibition thing. One of pieces was put in there.

Tenten: Oh, cool… I guess. What sort of art?

Neji: _(mouth drops open)_ You don't know **anything **about Deidara-san?!

Tenten: I only saw him a few times before… He's pretty hot though, with that long blond hair.

Neji: _(pout)_ What about **my **hair? _(sniff)_ I keep it nice and silky, just so **you **can put it up whenever you want… _(mutters)_ otherwise you'd kill me…

Tenten: It's nice too, Neji.

Neji: Only **"nice?"** _(sniff)_

Tenten: So what kind of sculptures does Deidara make?

Neji: Oh, all sorts! It's really cool. He's got a shop set up just a short walk from here!

Tenten: Why don't you show me then?

Neji: Sure. _(stands up)_ Wait for me, I've got to lock up my stuff. _(pulls out a little metal safe and spins the dial)_ Okay, done!

Tenten: _(sigh)_

Neji: You should bring the camera along! He's got **amazing **stuff!

Tenten: Um…can't. We've used up too much time already…

Neji: _(whimper)_ But…

Tenten: But how about we take along my digital camera and we can put together a slideshow, okay?

Neji: _(bounces)_ Okay!

_(camera turns around and we see Neji and Tenten)_

Tenten: This is Tenten and Neji from Naruto: Behind the Scenes!

_(camera swerves down and we see…shoes…)_

Neji: Hey, your hair is down in a ponytail!

Tenten: **Baka**! You **just **noticed?!

Neji: Watch out for the slideshow!

_(screen goes black…_

_Slideshow:_

_1) a pink elephant with purple polka dots…_

_2) a shiny red and black western dragon_

_3) Big panda and little panda eating bamboo (very shiny too)_

_4) a golden chicken_

_5) blocks with sticks jutting out at random angles…tag says "melted popsicles"_

_6) dark yellow gryphon with wings standing up high_

_7) gilded chamber pot_

_Black screen, white credits rolling up: "Brilliant works of art by Deidara…who worked extremely hard on the chamber pot, yeah?")_

* * *

(1) that's what someone said at school, only he was talking about pure sugar. They tried to snort it… 

(2) i'm not quite sure really, some say it's true, that the longer it is, the longer you'll live. But some say it isn't. I hope it isn't cuz mine is pretty short. eep.


	5. Shikamaru and Ino

DX I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!! Shame on me… I'm not even supposed to be here.. T.T

* * *

_(girl with blonde hair in ponytail fills camera with her face. Her forehead has "pig" scribbled on it with thick black marker, but apparently she doesn't know because she is smiling. Girl puts finger to her lips and goes "shh." Camera turns away from pig girl to door. It says "Nara Shikamaru." Door opens to dim room, but things are still mostly visible.)_

Ino: RAWR!!!

_(lump on sofa shifts and settles again…)_

Ino: hmph. Shika-kun really is a heavy sleeper.

_(camera moves closer to sofa. Hand pulls back thin blanket to reveal a head. It has long black hair and is sleeping soundly)_

Ino: hehe, I'm prepared…

_(camera is shaky and set down. We see Ino take out something from a bag. It appears to be some sort of can. She shakes it and squirts it onto Shikamaru's hand)_

Ino: Tsk, classic.

_(She pulls out a little tassle and dangles it on Shikamaru's face)_

Shikamaru: mnph…urgh…_(splat)_ GAAAH!!! _(jolts up)_ INO?!!!

Ino: uh…EEP!! PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!!! _(turns around hastily)_

Shikamaru: what? _(looks down)_ AAH! _(grabs shirt and slips it on)_

Ino: _(sigh)_ hotness…

Shikamaru: Did you say something Ino?

Ino: Um, I said it's hot in here! Why don't we uh…open the window?! _(pulls back curtains)_

Shikamaru: Baka, that'll only make it hotter. I've got the fan on anyway.

Ino: oh, er right…

Shikamaru: You can turn around now…

Ino: Oh. _(turns around)_ … _(snorts and giggles)_

Shikamaru: _(puzzled look)_ What?

Ino: It's…still…on your face…

Shikamaru: _(wipes face with hand)_ What the heck is this?!

Ino: _(rolls eyes)_ Genius, it's whipped cream.

Shikamaru: I knew that. _(eats it)_ It's on my shirt too…_(sigh)_ Let me change again…

_(Ino quickly turns around again and Shikamaru changes into another shirt)_

Shikamaru: So what are you doing in my dressing room anyway?

Ino: I could ask you the same thing.

Shikamaru: No you can't. This is my room. Why wouldn't I be in here?

Ino: Why don't you sleep in your trailer? Why were you still sleeping anyway?!

Shikamaru: One, because it's hotter out there! My AC's broken. Plus it's harder for fangirls to reach me in here than out there. Two, I stayed up late last night. None of your business why.

Ino: oh…

Shikamaru: So what are you doing here?

Ino: _(points at camera)_ Behind the scenes!

Shikamaru: …is that on?

Ino_: (nods)_

Shikamaru: Aah! Why didn't you tell me?! _(blushes)_ I changed shirts TWICE in front of a camera?!!!

Ino: Whoops… _(smiles sweetly)_

Shikamaru: … so this behind the scenes thing…

Ino: Remember when Naruto and Sakura had it behind set some time ago?

Shikamaru: …yeah…_(scratches head)_

Ino: That's what we're gonna do! _(walks to camera and picks it up)_ Only we won't be behind set probably. And we'll be more productive! All they really did was ask Sasuke-kun and Itachi some questions and then they ran off to see Kankuro and Deidara screaming at each other.

Shikamaru: So what will we do?

Ino: We're going to ask everyone what their favorite part of being an actor on Naruto is!

Shikamaru: Okay…wait, everyone? That'll be really troublesome…

Ino: Oh Shut up! Let's go!

Shikamaru: Hai, hai… (yeah yeah) _(Gets up from sofa) _Urgh. Do you by chance have an extra hair tie? Yesterday a fangirl stole my last one from me, and I don't have time to go out and buy more right now.

Ino: Um, yeah! _(camera is set down again)_ Here! _(hands one to Shikamaru)_

Shikamaru: _(stares at it)_ It's…sparkly…

Ino: It's a hair tie! Do you want it or not?

Shikamaru: But the one you're wearing isn't sparkly! Trade.

Ino: And mess up my hair? No! _(waves sparkly hair tie)_ Take it or leave it!

Shikamaru: _(sigh)_ fine… _(takes it and ties up hair)_

_(camera is picked up again)_

Ino: Hm…How about you take the camera, Shika-kun?

Shikamaru: sure, that means you're talking to everyone.

Ino: Yoshi! _(alright!) (in English)_ OK Let's go!!!_(randomly singing)_ Ra ra ra ra ra raaa!!

_(camera follows. They walk down hallway. One of the doors opens and out steps Neji)_

Ino: Ohaiyo Neji-kun!

Neji: Hey… _(looks at Ino weirdly)_

Ino: We're doing behind the scenes today! Oh, wait we forgot to introduce ourselves! Just a minute Neji. _(looks straight at camera) _Ohaiyo! Welcome, you're watching Naruto: Behind the Scenes and I'm Yamanaka Ino! _(points behind camera) _And you know that's Nara Shikamaru behind the camera!

Neji: Hey Shikamaru, you've got some white stuff on your chin…

Shikamaru: Agh…

_(camera shakes a bit due to Shika-kun wiping the remaining whipped cream off his chin)_

Ino: So, Hyuuga Neji! What's your favorite part about being an actor on Naruto?

Neji: Hm… I'd say these cool and FREE colored contacts!! _(shakes box in front of camera)_ Although it gets kind of annoying when people mistaken me as a blind person…

Ino: Um, okay…Thanks! C'mon Shika! Let's go!

_(Ino continues walking down the hall. She enters a big room that looks like a mini cafeteria)_

Ino: Hey look! There's Chouji, CHOUJI!!!! _(runs to the vending machines to meet Chouji)_

Chouji: Hm? _(blinks) _Um…hi Ino. Hi Shikamaru. Interesting hair tie…

Shikamaru: _(grumbles)_

Ino: Hey, what are you doing?

Chouji: I can't decide what to get for a snack! BBQ chips or cookies?! _(has a look of hard thinking on his face)_

Ino: Ooh! Tough question! Hm…if I were you, I'd go with the BBQ chips!

Chouji: Really? That's what I was thinking! _(takes out money from pocket and puts in vending machine)_

Ino: So, Chouji! What do you like most about being an actor on Naruto?

_(Chouji bends over to get his chips and stand up straight again)_

Chouji: _(munch munch)_ Free food! We get free meals, as long as we're filming. Hehe…

Ino: But you just had to pay for those.

Chouji: Yeah, well I'm hungry and they don't serve lunch until a couple hours later. I can't wait that long!

Ino: Okay…well, then…

Chouji: Hey Shikamaru, did you get past that part yet last night?

Shikamaru: Well, sort of… yeah.

Chouji: um, okay, well, give it back to Kiba soon okay? He keeps bugging me about it.

Shikamaru: Sure.

Ino: _(confused look)_ What are you guys talking about?

Shikamaru: Kiba let Chouji borrow Kingdom Hearts II but Chouji couldn't get past a part, that was actually quite easy, but anyway he let me borrow it and Kiba doesn't know I have it so that's why he was bugging Chouji.

Ino: Uh, sure, yeah, okay. Hey look there's Kimimaro! _(runs to Kimimaro)_ Hey!

Kimimaro: _(sips milk)_ Hey.

Ino: Kaguya Kimimaro! What's your favorite part about being a Naruto actor?

Kimimaro: Uh…being able to walk around shirtless in public without getting in trouble. Yeah.

Ino: _(giggle)_

Kimimaro: But I still have to wear that robe sometimes though..so that kinda sucks. But then I get to wear these cool dot things stuck on me and that's how they animated the bones sticking out of me. You know, during my fight with Lee and Gaara?

Ino: Yeah, well, thanks for talking with us!

Kimimaro: yeah, sure.

Ino: Let's keep going!

_(they keep walking until they reach a room that seems to be the lobby)_

Ino: Look, it's Lee, Tenten, and…um, what's that kid's name again?

Shikamaru: Konohamaru?

Ino: Yeah. HI LEE, TENTEN …?

Shikamaru: Konohamaru.

Ino: Yeah!

Konohamaru: Wow! Um, you'd be quite a babe if you didn't have that…

Shikamaru: Uh, so! What do you guys like about working on Naruto?

Ino: I though I was asking! So, what do you guys like about being an actor on Naruto?

Lee + Konohamaru: hm…CUTE GIRLS!!!

Tenten: HOT GUYS!!!

_(all three of them have a dazed look on their faces…Konohamaru is drooling a bit…)_

Ino + Shikamaru: um…

Voice 1: Hey, guys, what's up?

Ino: Ugh, look, it's Forehead Girl.

_(camera moves to the glass doors. Sakura walks in with Kiba)_

Sakura: Hey Ino _pig_. (_snickers)_

Kiba: _(bursts out laughing)_ NICE!!!

Ino: What? What's so funny?!

Sakura: I trusted you would have looked in a mirror by now, but apparently you haven't. _(smirks)_

Ino: What did you do_?!! (whips out a compact mirror (**a/n**: right? Little mirrors things?)_ _and screams)_ OH MY—SHIKAMARU WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!!

Shikamaru: Ow, my ears are bleeding…

_(Ino shrieks again and runs down the hall covering her forehead)_

Sakura: She'll be in the restroom scrubbing at her pig face, Shikamaru.

Shikamaru: _(muttering)_ Troublesome troublesome troublesome…

_(camera turns away from Sakura and Kiba and goes down the same hall Ino went. Stops in front of the women's restroom)_

Shikamaru: Ino? You done yet?

Ino: _(from inside restroom)_ No! Stupid Sakura used permanent marker or something!

Shikamaru: _(sigh)_ Just come out already will you?

Ino: …alright…

_(door opens. Ino glares at the camera. "Pig" is still on her forehead but is fainter)_

Ino: Why didn't you tell me it was there?

Shikamaru: I didn't notice!

Ino: _(glares harder)_

Shikamaru: So, anyone else?

Ino: _(stops glaring)_ Well, you know, we haven't seen Naruto all morning, have we?

Shikamaru: No. You sure he's even here?

Ino: He's the main character, of course he's going to be here!

Shikamaru: well he could have been sick or something maybe…

Ino: Psh, him? As if. He hardly ever gets sick. Let's go look for him anyway.

Shikamaru: Let's go then.

Voice 1: AAARGH!! WHAT THE _(bleep)_ DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING IN HERE? PERVERT SASUKE!! GET OUT!

_(camera quickly turns around and a boy with black hair runs out of one of the doors. He turns around and yells back)_

Sasuke: What the _(bleep)_?!! How was I supposed to know you were in there? You didn't even lock the door! And what the _(bleep)_ are you doing in there NAKED?!

Voice 1: NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS BASTARD!!! GO AWAY! _(door slams)_

Shikamaru: we're going to have to edit a lot…

Ino: Eh? Sasuke-kun? Was…was that Naruto?

Sasuke: _(walks away muttering angrily)_

Ino: Sasuke-kun?!!

Shikamaru: He's so rude.

Ino: _(sigh)_ I don't think it'd be a good idea to bother Naruto now… what do we do?

Shikamaru: I dunno. Why don't we wrap up and get ready to eat? We've got an episode to film after lunch… and I still need to work on the game…

Ino: Yay, food! YOSHI! Let's go!!!

Shikamaru:_(sigh)_ I really have no clue how you manage to stay so thin when your food intake is the same as Chouji's.

Ino: Hee! Well, thanks for watching Naruto: Behind the Scenes! _(waves)_ Bye bye!

_(screen goes black)_

* * *

Hehe, hope it wasn't too… dumb or had too many mistakes or anything…So uh...you readers know there isn't really a plot behind this right? It's just for laughs..unless in my utter boredom I can suddenly whip up a little plot and stick it in here.. it seems kinda late for that though.

Also, just because I put the two people together, doesn't necessarily mean I like them as a pairing. Sai and Sasuke:eew: lol. Although I do like HinaKiba and NejiTen. X3 But if it were pairings, I'd be having Sasuke and Naruto hosting it the whole time. :)

Who next…? Itachi will come back!!! sometime... :P


	6. Gaara and Lee

_::lets out defeated sigh::_ boredom consumed me… oh well. The… whatever it is, chapter. Is it fifth? _::utterly confused::_ Well, it's here!

Oh, right, **thanks everyone for the reviews!!!** +30 is just so awesome for me!!!

* * *

_(it is a fine sunny day. Walking through the trailer park… pauses occasionally in front of random trailers, then moves on. Finally it stops in front of one. Camera shakes a bit and a hand knocks on the door)_

Lee: Hey! Open up!

Voice 1: Hey, what are you doing there with the camera?!

_(camera turns to a guy who is running closer)_

Lee: Hi Director Dude! It's my turn for that special thing, remember?

Director Dude: Don't call me Director Dude! I have a name you know!

Lee: Uh, yeah, sure whatever it is…

Director Dude: Youth has no respect for elders these days…

Lee: Hey, I just noticed I'm taller than you!

Director Dude: Argh, you-you!!! …Hey, is that on?! _(points at camera)_

Lee: Yeah.

Director Dude: Turn it off! Don't waste the film and battery power filming nothing!

Lee: But Gaara is supposed to come out making a **dynamic** entry!

Director Dude: Eh, Gaara? If that's who you're looking for, I think I saw him—

Voice 1: **AAAAAAAHHHHH**!!!

_(camera swerves to the side. there is a chain link fence)_

Lee: What the…?

Director Dude: Look no further, your boy's right over there! I need to get more coffee… _(grunts and runs off)_

_(camera zooms in. there is a red speck… it's coming closer… it's obviously running. Ah, it's Gaara!! But what is dear Gaara-kun running from? Ooh, ouch. He just tripped)_

Lee: Gaara, over here!!

Gaara: **UWAAAHH**!! LEEEEEE!!

_(camera zooms in more)_

Lee: Oh No!! Gaara is being chased by a massive horde of fangirls!! **GASP**!!! .. I've been hanging around Neji too much…

Fangirls: GAARA-SAMA WE **LOVE** YOU!!!

Lee: Gaara! Climb over the fence!

_(Gaara quickly scrambles up and over the fence with ease. There is an impressed whistle that came from Lee. The poor redhead approaches Lee, out of breath)_

Lee: Close shave, eh? Didn't think you'd quite make it over the fence but you did!

Gaara: Huff…huff…not everyone's…jock like you…okay?

_(camera follows Gaara as he walks oveer and sits down on his trailer steps)_

Gaara: Damn…

Lee: Hahahaha!

Gaara: _(glare)_ What are you laughing at? That was a run for my **life**!

Lee: **Exactly**. Hahaha.

Gaara: _(sigh)_ What's an idiot like you doing here anyway?

Lee: The…special thing…you know? It's our turn.

Gaara: _(raises non existent brow)_ Do you mean "Behind the Scenes?"

Lee: Yeah, that's what it was!

Gaara: Moron. Do you have an idea?

Lee: I have lots of ideas. (**a/n**: I don't care how you interpret that…)

Gaara: I meant for Behind the Scenes!

Lee: Oh. Um…actually…no. I think the Big Chase is good enough.

Gaara: _(scowl)_ You better cut that part out.

Lee: Hm hm!

Gaara: And that better be a yes. _(Death Glare TM)_

Lee: Gasp! Look, the fangirls are coming!

Gaara: AAAAHH! _(scrambles up the steps)_

Lee: Hahaha! Don't worry, they're still trying to get over the fence. Still can't believe someone like you could actually make it over. That's a pretty high fence…

Gaara: If only "desert coffin" was something I really could do.

Lee: Eep! You and Sasuke both have something in common. You both love inflicting pain on people…

Gaara: _(cracks knuckles)_ I'm not sure about Uchiha, but it's idiots like **you** who make me pissed…

Lee: Eeep!!! Gaara, the fangirls are coming over!!!

Gaara: What kind of dumbass do you think I am? I won't fall for that again Lee.

Lee: No, really!

Fangirls: **WE'RE COMING FOR YOU GAARA-SAMAAAA!!!**

Gaara: AAAHH!! **RUN**!!! _(grabs Lee's arm and sprints)_

Lee: Wow, you're pretty fast when provoked by fangirls. Hey, where are we going?

Gaara: Inside!

Fangirls: **WAIT FOR US GAARA-SAMA!!!**

Lee: Wait, dude, you're running from **girls**!

Gaara: THINK I DIDN'T KNOW THAT?!!

Lee: But…**girls**, man! You're running from girls who are, like, all over you!

Gaara: _(shaky voice)_ Y-yes, I KNOW THAT! THAT'S WHY I'M RUNNING!

Lee: G-gaara? What's wrong with your voice? You're…you're not going to cry are you?!

Gaara: _(voice cracks)_ N-no…

Lee: Oh, damn. Better hope your eyeliner's waterproof.

Gaara: SHUT UP!!!

Lee: Hey, she's hott! Well, I think she would be, if she wasn't foaming at the mouth…

Gaara: _(briefly looks back and eyes widen in horror)_ That's the Head Fangirl!

Lee: Oh.

Gaara: She completely shredded my shirt one time…no, twice.

_(suddenly they stop in front of a door)_

Gaara: _(pounds on door) _Sasori nii-san! (a/n: is that right?) Open up!! _(looks around frantically)_

Voice 1: Gaara? I'm busy! Go bug someone else!

Lee: They're coming closer…

Gaara: _(bawling) _NII-SAN OPEN UP THE DOOR **RIGHT NOW!!!**

Voice 1: must be the Fangirls if he's sounding that hysterical…

_(Door opens and there is a redheaded teen standing there with an eyeliner pencil in hand, looking very annoyed)_

Gaara: Eeek!! _(runs in and hides behind Sasori)_

Sasori: _(looks out the door) _It is the Fangirls, isn't it?

Lee: Yes.

Fangirls: GAARA-SAMA! WE'RE **HERE**!!!

Gaara: Waah! Shut the door!

Sasori: Wait! Ga-

_(Door slams. Lee and the camera are still left out in the hall… with the Fangirls. theme song: "Bad Situation" and "Nervous" plays on loop.)_

Lee: Um…hehe, hi…

Fangirl # 1: Where's Gaara-sama?

Lee: Um…potty?

Fangirl # 2: Ooh, is that a camera?

Lee: Um…yes?  
Fangirl # 3: Eek! Is it on? Who's watching?!

Fangirl # 1: Most importantly…

All Fangirls: **IS GAARA-SAMA WATCHING?!!!**

Lee: Okay, now I see why Gaara's scared… Um, to Fangirl # 3, yes, it's on, and anyone who buys the Naruto DVD's will be watching us! _(ping! Must be the good guy pose…)_

Fangirl # 1: Eeek! I'm going to be on DVD!

Fangirl # 2: Ew, who'd want to watch **your** ugly face? (**a/n:** BURN!!! …ahem.)

Fangirl # 3: Who'd want to watch **either of you**? It's all about **me**! _(waves)_ Here Camera Boy!!

Lee: Ca-camera Boy?! Oi, I have a **name** you know! I am Rock Lee!!

Fangirl # 1 + 2: You evil, vain, little _(bleeeep)_!!!

Lee: _(whimper)_ oh, yeah, scary…

Sasori: Psst, Lee! Get in here **now**!

Lee: But--?!

_(Lee and camera are dragged into the room)_

Lee: They were about to start a catfight!

Sasori: Lee. You never, ever, **EVER**, want to be in a cat fight. Ask Deidara.

_(camera goes to a blond who suddenly looks like he's going to have an emotional breakdown)_

Deidara: It was _(sniff)_ a living nightmare! _(bawls)_ Sasori-kun!!!

Sasori: _(rushes over to Deidara)_ There there, don't cry…_(pat pat soothe soothe)_ Don't cry, it's just a thing from the past now… Please don't cry. You're going to smear the eyeliner.

Lee: Speaking of eyeliner…Gaara…?

Sasori: I use waterproof eyeliner on Gaara. You don't have to worry about him looking like some ghost when he starts bawling, okay?

Gaara: Shut up. What were you so busy over? I mean, what could be more important than your brother getting shredded and molested by evil Fangirls?

Sasori: About time someone's recovered from their breakdown.

Lee: They **molest** you?!

Gaara: I'm not resting until they're finally shot to death, hanged, quartered, or **burned at stake**! _(starts foaming at mouth)_

Deidara: _(bright and cheery voice)_ Or I can blow them up for you, yeah!

Lee: Um…

Sasori: How about we just settle with them leaving the building? I'll call security. _(mutter)_ How did they even get in here in the first place? I swear they're getting smarter… _(picks up cell phone)_

Deidara: Um, Sasori-kun, I don't think they will be enough…

Sasori: They're just teenage girls, Deidara. No way they can overpower middle aged men, okay?

Deidara: _(whisper)_ You mustn't underestimate the power of the Fangirls, Sasori-kun!

Gaara: _(stops foaming and starts bawling. Again.)_ UWAAAAAHH!!

Deidara: _(rushes to Gaara)_ Shh! Don't cry, Gaara-kun! We'll be safe in here, yeah… Shh… _(glares at Sasori)_ I **thought** Sasori would have been more understanding and sympathetic, being your older brother, but I was wrong!

Sasori: _(rolls eyes and hangs up cell phone)_ Security will be here soon. Deidara, come back over here. I haven't finished putting on your eyeliner.

Deidara: _(pout)_ But then who will comfort Gaara-kun?

Sasori: Let him have Panda-chan. _(throws stuffed panda to Deidara)_

Deidara: Yeah, here you go, Gaara-kun!

_(Gaara squeezes Panda-chan until Panda-chan's head looks like it'll fall off any second)_

Sasori: Now, Deidara, sit here and let me finish. You look very odd with eyeliner around only one eye. Gaara, sit there and don't bother us. Lee…same goes for you.

Lee: _(sigh)_

_(camera scans the room. Gaara is sitting on a couch, hugging Panda-chan to death. Next to Gaara are two Akatsuki cloaks draped over the back of the couch. In a corner there is a big puppet)_

Sasori: That's actually just a robot. So far, I only voice act and do make-up for everyone.

Deidara: Ow! Sasori-kun!

Sasori: _(monotone voice)_ My bad.

_(there is a counter with a sink on it, where Deidara is sitting as Sasori applies eyeliner on Deidara. On the counter there are also various pencils and small containers)_

Lee: What are all those for?

Sasori: I'm testing different eyeliners to see which works or looks best. So far, I think liquid is best for Deidara. Pencil isn't doing so well…

Deidara: No, **of course** it won't work well if you keep **stabbing** me in the eye with it!

Sasori: Stop fidgeting then!

_(Deidara pouts. Camera goes back to couch where Gaara is still strangling Panda-chan. Then Gaara picks something up.)_

Gaara: Hey, what's this? _(holds up some papers)_

Sasori + Deidara: Nothing.

Deidara: Oww…I'm going to be blind before you finish trying them all out!

Sasori: Stop complaining.

Gaara: It's not that smut Sai keeps printing off from some site with you and Deidara is it, Nii-san?

Deidara: Nope! Well…

Sasori: Actually, it is smut.

Deidara: And Sai printed it off for us, yeah.

Sasori: But it's with you and Lee.

_(camera tumbles down, lots of colorful blurs…then suddenly stops)_

Deidara: Nice catch, Lee!

_(camera is slightly trembling)_

Gaara: WHAT THE HELL?!

Sasori: Well, you two **are** a pretty popular yaoi pair.

Gaara: _(twitch)_

Deidara: Yeah! I mean, no pairing beats Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun, but you and Lee-kun! You guys are probably second or something! Lots of fanclubs…

Lee: Does that mean …there are…more fangirls?

Gaara: GAAAH!!!! **NOOOOOO**!!! NOT **MORE**!!!

Lee: …But why me and **Gaara**? We didn't do anything!

Sasori: Well people find it very easy to believe you're gay.

Lee: **Gasp**! I am **not**!

Sasori: Tell it to them.

Deidara: If not you two together, then it'd be either of you with Neji-kun.

_(camera becomes shakier and everything is blurrier, but we can still sort of see Gaara… who falls off the couch with a loud thud. Sasori and Deidara get up and approach the couch)_

Deidara: He's **not** okay, yeah.

Sasori: Looks like he's having a seizure or something…

Deidara: Should we call?

Sasori: …Nah…he'll survive.

_(camera rotates 180 degrees to face Lee)_

Lee: W-well, this has been an in-interesting day. Thanks for watching Naruto: Behind the Scenes.

Deidara: Um, Sasori-kun? Gaara-kun just threw up on you carpet, yeah.

_(screen goes black)_

* * *

I hope you other REAL Gaara fans aren't like…that. I'm not really a fan of GaaLee … if Gaara has to be paired with someone, I'd rather it be Naruto or Sakura. And LeeSaku is my preferred pairing as well. :) But this person I don't know, lucrecia, on deviantart she draws really good gaalee stuff. So…gaalee fans can go check it out. Draws really good…

I know why I'm depressed now: it's all sunny and "nice" out… sigh. How troubling. Hehe. Thanks for reading!

My little five year old sister kept saying "ass" and "shit" all morning. O.o... i swear, i didn't teach her anything! . . . she just said ass again... TT.TT i know she didn't mean it that way, but she just said "teme" too. little bundle of fun, eh? T.T


	7. Shino and Neji

A totally unexpected idea!!! It came to me while I was puttin' the dishes away… haha. So, here, a surprise chapter!

* * *

_(camera turns on. We see a boy with spiky black hair wearing very dark sunglasses. Behind him is a set for a Naruto episode inside Tsunade's office. There are lots of people rushing around getting ready to film. The boy in front has an evil smirk on his face.)_

Shino: Konnichiwa! My name is Aburame Shino, as you all should know. Though I did not get all that big of a part in the series… _(sighs)_ Hey, how do you like my fro? _(tugs at hair) _

Neji: It is not a fro.

Shino: _(frowns)_ It's big and it's poofy. If it's not a fro then what is it?

Neji: …

Shino: Right. Now, today, we have a very important mission!

Neji: we do?

Shino: Yes, a very important mission! A quest!

Neji: What is it…?

Shino: _(dynamic pose!)_ We… must know everyone's answer to the infamous "**Boxers** **or** **Briefs**" question!!! _(trumpet fanfare)_

Neji: … _(sweat drop sound fx)_

Shino: What? Why are you looking at me like that?! STOP IT!!! NO! **STOP IT!** I SAID **STOP IT!!!** THE BLIND GUY IS STARING AT ME!!!

Neji: I'm not blind!

Shino: Sure… how many fingers? _(flips the camera off)_

Neji: Stop flipping the camera off! You're dissing your audience!

Shino: So?

Neji: You can't diss your audience! _(a/n: that's what I said to someone in our Speech class. We did a "radio broadcast" and this guy basically dissed us listeners. XD)_

Shino: I can diss our audience if I want to!

Neji: You're not dissing **MY** audience!

Shino: _(magically whips out a microphone)_ **Hyuuga Neji!** Boxers or briefs?

Neji: That's none of your business!

Shino: I have to ask **everybody**, Neji. Now answer me: boxers or briefs?

Neji: …I do **not** have to answer!

Shino: _(shouts to the side)_ Tenten!!! Bring out the scissors!

Neji: **NOOOO**!!! Briefs!

Shino: _(stares at Neji behind the camera)_ …Ha! I knew it! Tenten! Hold the scissors, bring out the **CASH**!

Neji: What? You made a **bet**?!

Shino: Yep! And I won. _(smug look)_

Neji: You suck.

Shino: I'm a guy. Guys don't suck. _(a/n: I said "you suck" to someone, and that's what they said. Of course, I had a response to that…)_

Neji: Ew. Perv.

Shino: Ha. Now… _(looks around)_ Next victim—I mean, um, faithfully loyal warrior person on our quest?!

Neji: That doesn't make an **ounce** of sense.

Shino: Aha! Shikamaru! _(runs to Shikamaru)_

_(camera turns to Shikamaru who is lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling.)_

Shino: What's up, Shika?! _(looks up at ceiling as well)_ Anything interesting up there?

Shikamaru: It's all interesting as long as it's not your **face**.

Shino: Fine, be that way. No, wait. Shika-chan, today, we are on an important mission!

Shikamaru: _(still staring at ceiling) _If it's not a quest to find my missing hair ties, then I don't care.

Neji: I saw Ino smuggling some to Fangirls.

Shikamaru: _(sits up) _Oh, **no** **she** **didn't**.

Shino: Oh **yes** **she did!!** _(cough) _Now, onto our important mission. All you have to do is answer a very important question. Are… you… **READY** TO **RUMBLE**?!!

Shikamaru: … _(raises an eyebrow)_

Shino: _(cough) _Boxers or briefs?

Shikamaru: What the hell?!

Shino: Boxers. Or. Briefs.

Shikamaru: Why do I have to do this? What did I ever do?

Shino: I might be able to get **some** hair ties back…

Shikamaru: _(sigh)_ Boxers.

Shino: Silk or cotton?

Shikamaru: I am **NOT** answering!

Shino: Silk is pretty nice, but I prefer 100 cotton better because silk snags on the pants sometimes and then it doesn't look so nice anymore.

Shikamaru: Argh! Go away! _(lays back down and covers eyes with his arm) _

Shino: Okay! Nejiiiii!!! Who next?

Neji: You tell me.

Shino: Sai! Hey **Sai**!!!

Neji: For some reason…this doesn't seem like a good idea…

Shino: _(waves)_ Over here Sai!

_(Sai approaches Shino) _

Sai: Hey, what's up? How's the fro doing?

Shino: _(to Neji)_ See—fro. _(sticks out tongue)_ Now, Sai!

Sai: I'm right here…

Shino: We have a **very** important question to ask you.

Sai: Okay, I'm ready!

Shino: _(clears throat)_ Do you… _(trumpet fanfare) _wear boxers or briefs?

Sai: _(thinks) _Hm…neither.

Shino: _(jaw drops)_

Neji: WHAT THE _(bleep)_?!!!

Shino: OMG, don't tell me you wear--?!

Sai: _(smirk)_ Mhmm! … _(laughs)_ Naw, I'm just kidding, jeez. Take a joke.

Shino + Neji: _(sigh of relief) _

Sai: My answer to your question is boxers. Now, I gotta go, bye! _(jogs off…)_

Shino: That would have been a little freaky if he wasn't joking…

Neji: A little. A **little**?! That would have been **SICK**!

Voice 1: Heeey!! Neji! Shino!

_(camera turns to a girl with brown hair in two buns)_

Shino: Hey Tenten.

Tenten: _(pouts)_ Aren't you going to say hi to me, Neji-kun?

Neji: Hi.

Shino: Oh yeah, Tenten. You owe me money. _(sticks out hand)_

Tenten: Wha—oh. Oh. _(jaw drops)_ **OH! No. Way. **

Shino: Yes way. _(smiles) _

Tenten: NOOOOO! _(wails at the camera)_ **NEEEEJJJIIII**!!! You wear briefs?!

Neji: So what if I do?!

Tenten: I could have sworn you wore boxers!!! I mean, I **KNOW** you at least **HAVE** boxers, don't you?

Neji: … you were looking through my underwear drawer?!

Tenten: _(blush)_ oops. Um, no?

Neji: YOU WERE LOOKING THROUGH MY **UNDERWEAR** DRAWER?!

Tenten: Eee…

Shino: _(cackles evilly) _Don't kill her yet, Neji. She still has to give me my hard earned money.

Neji: How was it "hard earned?"

Shino: Hey, Tenten. Boxers or briefs? _(laughs)_

Tenten: Boxers.

Shino: _(stops laughing) _I was joking.

Tenten: And I **wasn't**. _(slaps money into Shino's hand) _Here's your "hard earned money." _(stomps off)_

Shino: _(stares at money) _…Does she **seriously** wear boxers?

Neji: I don't know. Why don't you **go look through her underwear drawer**?

Shino: Whatever_. (stuffs money into pockets) _Let's go somewhere else. They're starting to film.

_(camera leaves the set and out into a hallway. There are lots of people there.)_

Shino: Ooh, lots of…um, people? Yeah, lets just go with that. _(randomly pushes some guys out)_

_(Shino drags his little posse of random guys into a less crowded hallway. The posse includes Kiba, Lee, Kakashi, and Iruka.)_

Lee: Hey, what are you doing? What are we here for?

Kakashi: I have to go on set in a few minutes you know…

Iruka: Then why were you out here?!

Kakashi: eh…coffee break?

Shino: Okay, then, since you have to go on in a few minutes, we'll start with you first, Kakashi.

_(everyone has a quizzical look on their face.)_

Shino: _(clears throat)_ You lucky four have been chosen to answer a very important and serious question. Are you ready, Kakashi?

Kakashi: _(gulp)_ Um, yes?

Shino: _(hard glare, very straight face) _Boxers…or briefs?

_(There is silence…)_

Kakashi: _(bursts out laughing)_ That's the question? Oh, that's easy! Boxers!

Well, actually, I alternate… Right now I'm wearing boxers.

Shino: Okay! You may go now.

Kakashi: Ta ta!

Shino: We are now down to three contestants.

Kiba: Contestants?

Shino: Dogboy, you are the willing one! You go next.

Kiba: But I didn't say anything!

Lee: You said "contestants."

Shino: Boxers or briefs?  
Kiba: Boxers.

Lee: They've got Snoopy on them.

Kiba: How the hell do **you** know?!

Lee: Your pants are rather low… _(a/n: it annoys me, when guys wear their pants SO low… I mean, one time I saw this guy who had his pants like, down to his knees or something. O.o at school too.) _

Kiba: _(pulls up pants)_ Yeah, whatever. Can I go now?

Shino: You may leave.

Kiba: _(goes off, mutters angrily)_

Shino: Iruka-san, you are next.

Iruka: Wha-me?!

Shino: Yes, you.

Iruka: Couldn't be!

Shino + Lee: Then who?!

_(Shino and Lee crack up)_

Neji: Idiots.

Shino: Anyway, boxers or briefs?

Iruka: Um…_(blushing furiously)_

Neji: Oh, don't pressure the poor man.

Voice 1: Tada! They're boxers!

_(suddenly Iruka's pants are down around his ankles. His boxers are blurred, though. Unfortunately, Iruka's blush isn't.)_

Iruka: _(quickly pulls up pants)_ KAKASHI!!!

Kakashi: _(gets up from behind Iruka)_ Hehe.. hello…again?

Iruka: YOU. ARE. **DEAD**.

Kakashi: Ja! _(sprints) _

Iruka: **GET BACK HERE, HATAKE KAKASHI!!! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE!!!**

Kakashi: AAAH, HE'S OUT TO GET ME!!!

Neji: And they are, how old?

Shino: Iruka wears boxers. Okay. And they had dolphins on them. Okay. _(looks around)_ Hey, wait a minute. Where's Lee?

Neji: He ran off when Iruka and Kakashi did.

Shino: Damn. Now who do I ask? _(looks to the side and smirks)_

_(camera follows where Shino is looking. It is a door that says "men's room")_

Shino: I'll…be back in a moment. _(skips in to the bathroom)_

Neji: This can't be good.

_(camera stays fixed to the bathroom for a while. Suddenly the door bursts open and Shino is running out. He hides behind Neji.)_

Voice 1: Shino, what the **hell**?!!

_(door opens again and Naruto and Sasuke walk out with red faces)_

Shino: Hide me!

Neji: What did you do, Shino?

Naruto: He fricking **walked in** on us and **pulled our pants down**!

Shino: It was the only way!!! _(whispers)_ They were getting busy in there…

Naruto: _(blushes harder)_ WE WENT IN THERE TO TAKE A FRIKING **PISS**!!! WE WEREN'T DOING **ANYTHING** ELSE!

_(we hear a cracking sound. It is coming from Sasuke. He is cracking his knuckles and glaring at Shino.)_

Neji: Shino, you're as dead as Kakashi.

Shino: Ah, well, uh, gotta go, **bye**! _(sprints off faster than Kakashi)_

Sasuke + Naruto: **SHINO** GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE **NOW**! _(runs after Shino)_

Neji: They're gonna skin him alive… _(whistles happily)_ Well, that's all for today, folks! Stay tuned for Naruto: Behind the Scenes! Haha, one idiot down, tons more to go…

_(screen goes black)_

* * *

Hope you all liked it! Spent three hours typing and fixing it... urgh... lol. But it's worth it, especially when you guys review and comment on it! You don't have to, but...meh, whatever. Just enjoy my story. 


	8. Sai and Kiba pt 1

Gasp! I am so so soooo **sorry x 100**!!! DX It's been like forever since I've posted the next chapter!!! DX Gasp!!! Plus Fanfiction was doing something weird, as most of us might know, if you've tried to upload something.

But anyway, I thank Kaliotrimma a MILLION times, because without her help, I wouldn't have gotten this chapter up!!! SO THANK YOU KALIOTRIMMA EVEN THOUGH I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU AND YOU AREN'T EVEN READING THIS STORY!!!!!

I declare myself unofficially insane. :)

* * *

_(A familiar boy with short black hair stands in front of camera. Suddenly screen is black. Then boy is back again, but looks annoyed now…) _

Sai: Kiba you dummy! Now we've gotta start all over again! _(pouts and puts hands on hips) _

Kiba: But-but I thought I turned it on!!

Sai: You **thought**? Don't you know how to use a camera?!

Kiba: Yeah… Hey, I don't remember seeing that button before…

(_audience laughs. Y'know, the standard "hahaha"s, chuckles, whoops, whatevers…etc)_

Sai: _(smacks himself in the face and groans) _Kami-sama…

Kiba: Oh, hey, it **is** on!!

Sai: Now?!

Kiba: Now. I think.

_(Camera follows Sai to the left. There is a wall. Sai has volunteered to demonstrate a little exercise to get your brain juice flowing. Feel free to follow along with Sai! _

**_Step 1:_**_ Sai puts his hands on the wall. **Step 2:** Sai hits his head very hard on the wall. **Step 3:** Sai curses. **Step 4:** Sai brings his head away from the wall. **Repeat** steps 2-4 several times.) _

Kiba: Um, Sai?

_(Sai turns around and death glares at Kiba) _

Kiba: Shouldn't we, uh, actually start doing something?

Sai: Yes, how about we start with me smashing your face around_?!! (foams at the mouth. Just kidding.) _

Kiba: …I see how you're related to Sasuke now…

_(audience laughs) _

Sai: (suddenly smiles brightly) Hear that Sasuke-kun?!!! Now they finally understand how we are both related!!

_(we hear a mumbling sound coming from the audience) _

Sai: Okaaay!! Let's get started!! _(dances around)_

Kiba: Someone's bipolar…

Sai: Do we have to introduce ourselves again?

Kiba: Mm, I had a different idea…name tags!

_(hand comes out from behind the camera and gives Sai a name tag) _

Sai: Oh. Okay. _(turns to the right. Our right)_ Anyone got a pen?

(_A slender object goes flying and hits Sai in the forehead before dropping on the ground.)_

Sai: …Damn, my ninja like reflexes are wearing out… _(rubs forehead)_ Thanks, Hinata-chan. _(goes to table and scribbles on sticker before holding it up to the camera. All we are able to see are oddly shaped dots) _

Kiba: Um, that's kinda small…I'd have to zoom in on it just for people to even see it properly.

Sai: Zoom in? …kekeke! _(turns around. Audience laughs on the right) _**Shh**!!_ (turns back around again)_ Tada! Zoom in on the name tag, Inuzuka!

_(camera starts at Sai's face, goes down to Sai's red t-shirt, down past black shorts, down to Sai's sneakers. Quickly goes back up to Sai's face.) _

Kiba: I don't see it.

_(camera scans Sai up and down _again (**a/n:** um…sounds kinda awkward for some reason…)_ and suddenly stops at the Black Shorts area. Quickly goes to the audience, who are consisted of the Naruto cast, who are laughing their heads off) _

Kiba: ACK! I AM **NOT** ZOOMING IN THERE!!

Sai: But then they won't be able to even see it properly…

Kiba: **I DON'T CARE; I AM NOT ZOOMING IN ON YOUR CROTCH!!!**

_(audience roars with laughter. _

_Camera goes back to Sai.) _

Sai: Gasp! Kiba, you pervert! Who ever said you had to zoom in on my **crotch**?! The name tag, Inuzuka, **the name tag!!** Eeeek! Perv! Who knew Kiba swung that way?!! Gasp!! _(looks horrified)_ So the crush on Hinata-chan is just a cover up?!! **GASP**!!!

Voice 1: Stop using my term!! (**a/n:** that was neji, in case it was not known.)

_(Sai sticks his tongue out at the audience) _

Kiba: I-I do not---Argh! I don't like guys, okay?!

Sai: _(smirk)_ So you **do** like Hinata-chan? _(laughs)_ Ahaha! Look at Kiba twitch!

_(audience chuckles. Someone shrieks. Probably Hinata-chan…) _

Sai: Haha. Anyway, since Kiba-baka won't zoom in on the **name tag**…

Kiba: Shut up!

Sai: I'll let you all know my name is Sai; and my last name is confidential so nosy people trying to figure it out-- _(flips off camera)_

_(audience laughs/ "GASP!!"s) _

Sai: Mhmm, anyway. Yes, you've seen me before, if you've watched the previous behind the scenes specials. Behind the camera now, is Inuzuka Kiba. (tilts head to side) Were you behind the camera before or not?

Kiba: Um…both? I dunno!

Sai: (_sighs_) Anyway, Welcome to Naruto: Behind the Scenes! Starring you host, me! _(grins) _Today we will be doing a Q and A with the cast of Naruto! The questions we got in the mail from our millions of fans.

_(camera briefly scans over the few people sitting on bleachers in little clusters looking psychotic. Well, okay, just **some** of them are looking psychotic. _

_Camera goes back to Sai.) _

Sai: _(suddenly has a bunch of papers in his hands and is wearing extremely thick glasses) _Ahem...now..._  
_

Kiba: What's with the dorky glasses?

Sai: _(glasses slide down onto his nose)_ Do you have a problem with them, Inuzuka?

Kiba: N-no.

Sai: _(smile)_ Good_. (pushes them back up)_ They help magnify my glare power. Don't you immediately feel more scared? Yes? No? Kabuto-san lent them to me, he's so nice._ (ahem)_ Let's start with Aburame Shino.

_(camera looks around frantically, but finally settles on Shino, who is sitting on our left side, or their right side) _

Sai: Shino….Shino Shino Shino… _(shuffling is heard. Probably from papers) _

Shino: _(stiff)_ Why are you saying my name like that? Why?! **WHY**!! Stop it! Stop it! **I said stop it!!!!** _(head in hands, rocking back and forth slightly) _

Sai: Um… well, a fan asks: Why do you wear sunglasses all the time, even off set?

Shino: _(pushes up sunglasses)_ Oh, **really**? And just **who** is this fan? And why must I answer these questions? Hm? I refuse! I **REFUSE!!! **_(slams fist on bleachers)_** YOU CANNOT MAKE ME!!** _(twitches very violently. Falls off bleachers with a very loud thud. _

_There is sudden silence.) _

Sai: …Um, Shino? What's up with him?

Voice 1: He's been like that ever since the day he found out—

Voice 2 + 3: **SHUT UP NEJI. **(see: prev. chapter)

Neji: Um, yeah that happened and Sasuke and Naruto had threatened that they would find out Shino's address and sneak into his house and plant flesh eating bugs into his bed and they'll eat him alive and stuff when he's sleeping _(takes a deep breath_) so yeah. Shino's been completely paranoid ever since…

Sai: Oh. _(goes to the floor next to bleachers where Shino must have been laying)_ Um… Shino? You okay?_ (poke poke, nudge nudge, kick…)_

Neji: You can leave him there, he does that all the time now. He'll be fine. (**a/n:** now THAT'S insensitive. I am NOT insensitive. I wouldn't leave Shino there. I AM NOT INSENSITIVE!!! …okay, I'm done. NO I'M NOT!!!! _Foams._.)

Sai: Er, okay… _(jogs back to his regular place by the table)_ Next up is Akasuna Sasori.

_(camera looks for the red head. He is sitting in the middle. On our left sits Deidara, on our right sits Gaara) _

Sai: How come in most of your appearances, it's only you in a puppet? Why don't you come out and stuff like you are now, in the series?

Sasori: That's a messed up question.

Sai: Just reading right from the paper!

Sasori: Why don't I appear in the flesh? _(looks at Deidara)_

Deidara: Because Sasori-kun is deathly afraid of killing off the millions of fans with his strikingly good looks, yeah! (grins)

_(silence…) _

Deidara: _(coughs)_ Um, I mean, Sasori-kun is actually afraid of killing off people with his ugly, ugly looks.

Sasori: **I'M SORRY!!! I'M SORRY I'M NOT AS GOOD LOOKING AS GAARA-KUN!!! I'M SO SORRY GAARA, DEI-CHAN, POPO-CHAN, PANDA-CHAN, EVERYBODY!!!**_(covers face with hands and starts wails incoherently) _

Random people: No, Sasori-san! You're not ugly!

You're **just** as good looking as Gaara!

Even more!

**Oi! **Take that back!

Who the heck is **Popo-chan**?

Never mind that, you're absolutely **wonderful**, Sasori!

You're beautiful!

If you weren't a guy, I'd **totally **bang you!

**WHOA**!!! (**a/n:** stole that from Fruits Basket, when Yuki's in the dress. Only I changed it a bit...)

* * *

Hehe, okay, there's gonna be a second part. I split it so it wouldn't be too long and stuff. OO actually, there might even have to be three parts. 

Um, I had planned on ending this soon, and my page views and stuff are starting to go down too, so that's a good thing anyway. So! There will be… maybe three more chapters left or something. 1-2nd part of this chapter. 2-another story. 3-another story/the final chapter, yeah. Gasp! It'll be over soon!!! DX


	9. Sai and Kiba pt 2

I'm so so SO SO SORRY PEOPLES!! I know, you've waited for like over a MONTH!!! (cries) I'm so sorry!!! I swear, you people must have the patience or whatever of Hachiko (google it or something. Hachiko is a dog, ps.) to wait so long and not even send me a flaming PM telling me to hurry the hell up and update!! (cries) I'm so sorry! I procrastinate a lot and I'm tech. not sposed to be on here anyway. But here I am! When I really should work on some homework.. (cries) I'm not gonna make it on that trip!!! I know I won't! So sorry, SEA and Tommy-Tom. TT 

But anyway, here-a DOUBLE LENGTH CHAPTER, EH?!!! YOSHI!

Although…sorry, If it turns out to be really crappy… so sorry… (cries in a corner.

Charli: You're already in a corner, dumbass.

Me: Why is my inner self so mean?!)

* * *

Sai: Uh…um, well, after, that scene…Let's go on with Deidara.

Deidara: Yeah?!

Sai: Who does your make up? I would like to hire him/her…

Deidara: _(puzzled look on face)_ Don't you know? Sasori-kun does my make up. He does yours too…

_(there is a slap heard out of range of the camera. Must have been Sai slapping himself in the face)_

Sai: I AM READING FROM THE PAPER, IT'S NOT **ME** ASKING!

Deidara: Oh. Sorry. Well… _(glomps red head next to him)_ Sasori-kun does my make up, yeah! He does everyone's make up! And you're brilliant, Sasori-kun.

Sasori: _(sniff)_ Thank you, Dei-chan….

Deidara: Mm, yeah. The real make up guy that was hired hates Sasori-kun though, for putting him out of a job…

Sai: That's great to know. Kakashi-san! Put that dirty book down, it's your turn now! Don't read that perverted book in public!!!

_(camera turns to Kakashi who is in the lower front row of the bleacher, diagonal from Deidara. He has a small blue book in his hand, but he is staring at Sai now)_

Kakashi: What's wrong with reading it in public? Besides, I'm not reading Icha Icha Violence now anyway.

Sai: You can't fool us with that book cover, Kakashi-san.

Kakashi: Oh? You don't believe me? Well, HUZZAH! _(whips off the book cover)_ See?

_(camera zooms in to view the book, titled "Ways to Beat the Hell Out of Your Rival")_

Kiba: Dude, you should stop trying to beat Iruka 24/7.

Sakura: Yeah, Kakashi-san! We all know Iruka-san is better than you anyway, right?

Everyone: HELL YEAH!

Kakashi: _(gasp)_ N-no support for me?! _(stands up and stomps feet)_ Well, y'know what? I QUIT. I will not tolerate everybody liking Iruka over ME! And that means the mask goes off! _(touches mask)_

Sasuke + Naruto + Sakura: NO-O-O-O-O!!! _(dives at Kakashi)_

Kakashi: I'm telling you, it goes—oof_! (squashed by the three teens_)

Audience: Ooh… That's gotta hurt…

_(zoom in on the Team 7 dogpile)_

Kakashi: Itai(ouch) …

Sakura: Not the fish lips!

Sasuke: Not the buck teeth!

Naruto: Not the ramen stuck IN the buck teeth!

Neji: GASP!!!

_(Naruto and Sasuke turn and glare at Neji)_

Neji: Um…Hi! _(waves vigorously)_

Kakashi: WILL YOU THREE PUNKS GET OFF OF ME!

Naruto: Ever heard of PMS?

Sasuke: Yeah. Mom enjoys it frequently. (**a/n:** yeah, she doesn't suffer, she enjoys)

Kakashi: I SAID GET OFF!

_(Sakura gets off, Sasuke gets off, Naruto gets off, Kakashi Death Glares)_

Sai: AHEM.

_(camera returns to Sai)_

Sai: You know what?

Audience: What?!

Sai: Chicken butt. Haha.

Audience: Boo!

Random Person from Audience: HAHA CHICKEN BUTT SASUKE!!! (a/n: cough)

Sasuke: _(whine)_ They're making fun of my hair again…

Naruto_: (pat pat_) That's okay Sasuke-teme, they've got it wrong_…(yells)_ It's supposed to be 'duck butt'!

Random person from the audience: OH! OKAY, SORRY MY BAD!

Sasuke: _(Death Glare TM)_ You know what Naruto? How about you just shut the—_BZZ BZZ—(looks confuzzleated, opens mouth to talk) BZ Z BZZ BZZZBZ!!_

Naruto: _(also looks confuzzleated)_ Sasuke? What the—_BZZ BZZZ BZ?!_

_(camera turns to Neji, who is leaning over Tenten, who has a remote control thing in her hands)_

Neji: Wah! Tenten! Give me my buzzer back!

Tenten: No! It's fun! Hee hee! _(presses button) BZZ BZ BZZZ_!

Neji: Gasp! She stole my—_BZZ BZZZ BZ! (cries)_

Lee: _(reaches down and pulls the buzzer out of Tenten's hands and holds it up high)_ That's enough, Tenten. _(sigh)_ You're such an immature girl. I'm sure all the really hot chicks aren't like you.

Tenten: Wah!! Lee stole Neji's buzzer thingy! GIVE ME NEJI'S BUZZER THINGY!

Neji: _(sigh)_ At least she acknowledges that it's mine…

Tenten: Wah!! Neji, help! Wah!!! Lee is using his height to his advantage!!! That's not fair Lee!

Lee: _(looks bored)_ All I'm doing is holding it up…

Tenten: Grr… _(leaps/jumps/BONZAI GERONIMO!!! Cough. In other words: Tackles Lee)_ Hiyah!

Lee: _(wide eyes, if it's possible for them to get wider)_ A-A-A-A-H-H! _(thud)_ itai…

Director Dude: OHMYGOD ARE THEY OKAY?!! _(rushes on set)_

Neji: They're fine, Director Dude. They've just passed out. _(tilts head)_ Gasp! Aw, look, they're in that sleeping lovers position thingy! You know, like the girl is lying on the guy and stuff…

Itachi: That sounded funny.

Neji: Well PFFT! Pervert.

Sai: Hey, Director Dude, what are you doing here?

Director Dude: Well…because they're hurt! Sort of?

Sai: No one came when Shino fell off. Hey, isn't he still over there?

Director Dude: Well…that's because… _(waves hand)_ Pfft, no one cares about Shino.

Shino: WAH! I TOLD YOU NO ONE LIKES ME, I TOLD YOU BUT NO ONE LISTENS, NO ONE CARES!!! _(bawls)_

Ino: _(turns around)_ Oh, shush, Emo Kid, no one cares.

Shino: SEE, I TOLD YOU—NO ONE—GASP! SHE CALLED ME EMO KID!!! WAH!!!!

Hinata: _(kick)_

Shino: HIBLSFLJBLAAFSFLDJHIGGLEDYJIGGLEDYJIGGLYPUFFPOOF! _(thud)_

_(Shino has passed out. Again.)_

Sai: Um...

Kiba: I told you Hinata was vicious.

Sai: Ah, the person in question! We, er, well, fans, have a question for you!

Hinata: _(looks around and points at herself) _Me? Oh. _(giggles) _

Kiba: OHMYGOD. SHE'S GIDDY! SHE ALWAYS GETS THAT WAY BEFORE SHE KILLS SOMEONE!!!

Sai: …What the heck, Kiba?

Kiba: Cough. Sorry. Nothing.

Sai: Were you naked when you did that one scene? Y'know, when you danced under the waterfall and Naruto peeped?

Naruto: I wasn't peeping! And she wasn't naked!

Sai: Well, technically, you were peeping…you were supposed to watch her from behind a bush or a rock or something?…

Naruto: DIRECTOR DUDE TOLD ME TO!!! IT'S HIS FAULT!!!

Sasuke: Why are you blushing?... _(pokes Naruto)_

Naruto: _(smack)_ I'M NOT BLUSHING! SHE WAS WEARING A SWIMSUIT!!! Hey, dude, you just poked me.

Sai: Were you, Hinata-chan?

Hinata: _(very red faced)_ Er, um, yeah…

Sai: You don't sound very sure…

Naruto: OMG, YES SHE WAS, I AM NOT A PERVERT LIKE KAKASHI AND THAT OLD FART!

Kakashi and Jiraiya: HEY!!

Sakura: Hey, what are you doing here?

Jiraiya: Huh, me? Oh, I was just getting a coffee. Good bye! _(poof)_

Shikamaru: How does an old guy do that?

Sakura: Well, duh, maybe it's because he's an old fart, so he can!

Shikamaru: I thought old guys were supposed to be bogged down with arthritis and Alzheimer's. (**a/n:** Hey Shika? FYI I am not an old guy and I seem to have alzheimer's! it occurs in young people. Yeah.)

Chouji: Not with him peeping on girls all the time.

Ino: OMG, yeah!

Sakura: I threw a shoe at him once.

Ino: I threw a purse.

Hinata: _(is hyperventilating for some reason)_

Sakura: Erm, Hinata threw a sledgehammer…

Sasuke: I threw a paper fan!

Sakura + Ino: …Why?!!

Sasuke: _(frowns)_ What's wrong with throwing paper fans at old farts like him? It's fun. _(shrugs)_

Sakura: _(pokes Ino and whispers)_ And you _still_ like him?

Sai: Neji what kind of shampoo do you use?!

_(camera turns to Neji who sits all alone…)_

Neji: _(looks suspicious)_ And why do you want to know?

Sai: _(rolls eyes)_ Because I want to know the secret to your absolutely LOVELY hair, Neji-kun!

Kiba: Dude, he's using that creepy voice again…

Sakura: Ohmygod, that's scary.

Neji: _(perks up)_ Really I'm so flattered but I'm sorry I can't—

Sai: Stupid, I was being sarcastic. Why the he-_BZZBZ_-would I want to know what kind of shampoo you use?

Neji: Didn't anyone hear that buzzy sound?

Sai: Yeah.

Neji: But…?

Sai: I have the talent to ignore such idiotic actions such as yours.

Kiba: Dude, he's pissy now.

Sakura: Ohmygod, that's even scarier!

Sai: Stop saying dude.

Kiba: But, dude, it's like, my—

Sai: You said it.

Neji: _(cries) _Why are you being so mean to me, Sai?!! WHAT DID I EVER DO TO YOU?!!!

Sai: _(blinks) _Nothing. ZOMG Neji, why are you crying?! _(wipes away tear, how touching…)_

Neji: But, but you were all …mean and … mean.

Sai: I was? To you?

Neji: _(sniff) _

Sai: Hm. _(walks up bleachers to Neji) _It's okay Neji… _(hug)_

_(audience aws/gags)_

Hinata: Okay, so what the HELL happened?!

Sakura: I have no idea.

Shikamaru: It defies all logic. I mean, usually Sai is … hyper and happy and friendly and then suddenly he went anti-social and sarcastic. Like Sasuke. Then he denies being that way?

Sakura: It's like Sasuke and Sai switched or something… _(gasp)_ INO!

Ino: What?!

Sakura: YOU TAUGHT SASUKE THE MIND SWITCHING THINGY, DIDN'T YOU?!

Ino: …what?

Sakura: THE MIND SWITCHY THINGY, YOU PIG!

Ino: …um, Forehead Girl, that's like, in the anime, not in like, real life. Like.

Sakura: _(slaps forehead)_ Y'know what bitch? Piss off.

Ino: _(gasp)_ OH YOU DID NOT JUST CALL ME THAT!

Sakura: Oh yes I did.

Hinata**: NEJI YOU FORGOT TO USE THE BUZZER THING! WHAT IF THE YOUNGER GENERATION IS WATCHING THIS? YOU THINK THIS IS APPROPRIATE, HUH? DO YOU? I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT'S APPROPRIATE AND WHAT'S NOT!**

Neji: BUT I'm YOUR BROTHER, **SPARE ME!!!**

Sasori: Is this why you don't like women?

Gaara: _(meekly)_ Yes…

Deidara: I'm sure not all girls are like…are like Hinata-kun.

Gaara: _(whispers)_ They are, trust me. It's their "inner selves." Every girl has one, sometimes two, and they're all very scary.

Deidara: Since when were you expert on girls?

Sasori: He's not.

Gaara: But Mom is really scary like that sometimes.

Sasori: So if Mom is like that, all girls are?

Gaara: Yep.

Deidara: What strange logic…

Gaara + Sasori: Mum is the Almighty Mum.

Sai: So. Neji. Are you ready for the question?

Neji_: (gulp_) Um…

Naruto: _(whispers to Sasuke)_ This is the part where Sai makes his proposition!

Sasuke: _(whispers to the camera)_ A.K.A. "Sai Asks Neji To Marry Him!" Gasp!

Sai + Neji: (_faceplant_) SASUKE, NARUTO**, SHUT UP!!!**

Sai: (_cough_) the QUESTION was "what kind of shampoo do you use?"

Neji: (_sigh_) Must I really give out the secret? (_sigh_)

_(Everyone on the bleachers leans toward Neji and Sai)_

Neji: The secret… is that I don't really know.

Everyone: GASP?!!!

Sai: (_splutters_) Y-you don't know, you say?!

Neji: That is right, my dear Watson; I do not know.

Sai: I don't know who the hell Watson is… But I DO know that YOU should at least know what kind of SHAMPOO you use!!! How could you disappoint you audience like that?!

Neji: (_cries_) Gasp! I'm SORRY I'm SO SORRY!!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!!

Chouji: Never! You still owe me a bag of chips and a soda!

Neji: _(magically stops crying) _Hey, I payed you back already!

Chouji: Did not!

Sai: SHUT UP!

_(silence, except for The Cricket Chirp)_

Shino: OMG THE CRICKETS ARE BACK TO GET ME! THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME! SAVE ME!!! (_runs_)

Sakura: Ah! Sh-shino?!! The-the---

_(THUD…Squeak. Shino passed out. Again. For the third time. Talk about triple dammit…)_

Sai: That, my dear ladies and gents, was the sound of Aburame Shino … running into the glass doors. Anyway, back to the subject. **HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO YOU USE?!!!**

Neji: I just don't!! Tenten does my hair, since she always insists on doing it and would slit my throat AND chop off my hair if I don't let her!

_(silence, and The Cricket Chirp again)_

Sai: So…so, wait am I getting this right? Does Tenten _shower_ with you?!

Audience: GASP!!!

Tenten: NO I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!

_(apparently Tenten has recovered)_

Sai: _(leans out and peers over the bench to the floor)_ No, but perhaps since you _shower_ with _Neji_, you may tell us what sort of shampoo you use on him?

Tenten: _(major blush_) What?! Who told you?!

Audience: DOUBLE GASP!

Sai: (_appalled_) So you really do shower with Neji?

Tenten: No! It's not like that! Really, it's not! Right Neji?!

Neji: No! I mean, yes! Er, No! Yes! …what?

Sai: (_sigh_) Of course, that's what all **secret couples** say… they always deny whatever happens, and they turn into a blushing, spluttering mess…(_suddenly whips around and points accusingly at)_ Naruto! Did you or did you not sleep with Sasuke last night?!

Naruto: _(turns beet red)_ W-what?! N-no, of c—NO! W-where the hell did you get that idea?! I-I did NOT!

Sai: See? Proof. Sasuke! Is he good? Does he scream? I bet your little Naru-chan is a screamer isn't he?

Sasuke: (_pales_) T-D-WH-N-P-B-E-R-I?!!...**WHAT**?!!!

Sai: (_frowns_) Damn. Sasuke, you're supposed to blush, not pale! Oh well. (_smiles_) You're an even bigger mess than you're little Naru-chan! Tee hee! _(giggles madly)_

* * *

_I apologize if there are any mistakes. and yes, i am typing in italics cuz it's too troublesome to change it back. you know how long it takes to write a freaking script like this? i have to write it all, type it all, then go back through at least one thousand words to underline them, bold them occasionally, and italicize them! i put lots of effort into this!!! sorry. Cough. _

Sigh. I suppose there might probably be a THIRD part then… Sigh. I hope it wasn't to awful. I probably lost the touch that everyone liked so much. I'm SO HAPPY THOUGH!! I HAVE THE MOST FAVES/ALERTS/AND REVIEWS ON THIS STORY AND SO I'M LIKE ohmigee! EVERYTIME I THINK ABOUT IT!!! Thank you guys so much! You're all so patient and wonderful:3 I might even say I wuv you… OO And thus, THAT would be weird. Right SEA?

Oh, ps, sorry for the SasuNaru ending, you homophobes (jk) but I just had to. Y'know, it's how ya get when you've been SN deprived for like a month. BUAHAHAHH!!!! cough. (shot by a tennis ball.)

one last word before you hear from me a month and a half (probably. lol, sorry) later... :

DILL PICKLES!!! and whatever a kleptomaniac is? It was a random word that popped into my head...


	10. Neji and Others

In which we find out Kiba is sexist. Whoops, spoiler. :)

* * *

_(people sitting in a circle in a dressing room. Too blurry to tell who. Camera finally focuses and zooms in on Tenten's face. She is chugging something)_

Voice 1: Woot! Go Tenten!

Tenten: (_chug chug chug_) Pah! **DONE**!! _(raises bottle in air in triumph)_

_(Tiny beep sound. Camera turns to Gaara and zooms out. He is sitting on his legs and is wearing a baggy black shirt and white shorts. He has a stopwatch)_

Gaara: 20 seconds and…62…ano, something or others…

Voice 2: Damn. A **girl** beat my record!

_(See Kiba. He is wearing a grey sleeveless shirt and holey jeans. He looks pissed. _

_See Tenten next to him. She is wearing a light green tee and white shorts. She looks even more pissed.)_

Tenten: (_glare_) You got a problem with a girl beating you, dog boy?

Kiba: Maybe I do. Girl.

Tenten: Well I'm **sorry** I have a vagina instead of that pathetic thing you call a penis!

Gaara: Ooh, burn!

_(snort from behind the camera. Tenten and Kiba look in that direction)_

Kiba: Find something funny, Neji? (**a/n**: yeah. Your face. Haha. Just Kidding Kiba!! JK!)

NejI: Actually, yes. You're making fun of a girl who wears manlier boxers than you.

Kiba and Tenten: WHAT?!!

NejI: Gasp. Did I say that out loud?

Gaara: Neji. How would you know what either of their boxers looked like?

NejI: Er, um…because my awesome Byakuugan! (spelling?)

Gaara: Right…

_(camera turns to the right of Neji, where we see Shikamaru laying on the floor with his eyes closed)_

Shikamaru: Actually, it's more like "Tenten should wear bold print under white shorts" and "Kiba should learn to use a belt so his pants actually perform their intended use."

Neji: No no! It's Byakuugan! Y'know? Like, I can see through…stuff…

Shikamaru: (_snort_) But you couldn't' see Tsunade right in front of you the other day.

Kiba: (_bursts out laughing_) You ran into Tsunade? **Ha**! Man, how can you miss her? No, how can you miss her **chest**? (as in, how can you not see her chest?)

Tenten: The chest that is full of stuffing since she is so flat chested it's hardly believable.

Shikamaru: (_cough_) he didn't miss her. (as in, he hit the target)

Everyone but Neji: BUAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Kiba: About time Karma bites you in the ass!

Neji: Shut up!

Tenten: You seriously ran into her? **Seriously**?!! _(giggles high pitchedly)_

Kiba: Kami-sama, that would have been so priceless to see!

_(Breaktime commercial: _

_Watching behind the scenes on DVD: $35._

_Watching Tsunade stuff her chest (because Jiraiya only sells his blackmail): $25_

_Watching Neji run into the stuffed chest head on: Priceless.)_

Gaara: Hn, well at least he had cushioning.

Kiba: (_cough_) **Lots** of it.

Tenten: Why, what happened to you, Gaara?

Gaara: (_twitches. Fearful look. Hisses_) Fangirls!

Everyone: (_sympathetically_) Ohhh…

Gaara: Un. _(Gets up_) So I was like, running this way, Panda-chan made sure they didn't get too close to me, and so I headed for Sasori nii-san's door _(goes towards the door behind him as if it were his destination)_ and like—

_**BAMM**__!!! Naruto flies through the doorway, spins over Gaara who was knocked out and back by the door, and lands on the floor on his back) _

Neji: YO NARUTO MY HOMIE **WATSUP**?!!!

Shikamaru: Neji, That's freaky. Don't ever do it again.

Neji: Okay.

Naruto: **HIDE ME!!!** (_briefly glances at camera_) Neji! Hide me?!

Voice 1: **NARUTO**!!!!!!

Naruto: EEP!

_(Sasuke skids at the door way and runs inside, trips over knocked out Gaara and falls on top of Naruto. Cricket chirp. Zoom in on the two boys.)_

Shikamaru: Neji, turn off the stupid cricket chirp. What happened? …Sasuke? Naruto?.. what… are you…guys doing…?

Tenten: (_gushes_) OMG **YAOI**!!! Naruto and Sasuke making out!! KISSU KISSU **KISSU**!!! _(squeals so high pitched the plastic bottle next to her shatters)_

Shikamaru: Hn. (_turns to camera_) Told you Sasuke tops. Give me the money, Neji.

Neji: **GASP**! NO!!! NARUTO, I HAD **FAITH** IN YOU!! SOB! REMEMBER? WHAT HAPPENED? Remember? Sas-**UKE**?!!!

Naruto: (_pushes Sasuke off_) What the—very loud cricket chirp—ORAL RAPE! Sexual harassment! Sasuke, you bastard, I said no! **No I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!!** (**a/n: **stupid people at school used to keep saying that all the time…)

Shikamaru: (_counts cash_) You already have.

Naruto: MY **INNOCENCE** HAS BEEN **CORRUPTED**!!

Sasuke: What the hell are you talking about?!!! That was more disgusting than finding out Itachi wears purple thongs!

_(cricket chirps. Someone coughs.)_

Shikamaru: I heard Sai does too…

(Voice over Sai: I DO NOT!! I'M **MANLIER THAN NARUTO-CHAN**!

Voice over Naruto: LIKE **HELL** YOU ARE!)

Neji, wanna Byakuugan that?

Neji: Eew, no. …Gasp! What do you take me for, a gay pervert?!

Gaara: No, bi, because you spy on Tenten too.

Shikamaru: She counts as male.

Tenten: (_didn't hear them_) EEWW THIS HAS ALL BEEN **TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!**

Kiba: I thought you liked this kind of shit.

Tenten: (_corrects_) Boy on boy action—hot. Crossdressing—plain **creepy**!

Kiba: Who cares what you think, they're both creepy.

Tenten: Your mom's creepy! (**a/n**: no offense, but Tsume is kinda creepy looking with all that make up and stuff she wears. Though we don't see her very often in anime anyway…)

Kiba: Oh you did NOT! You wanna go? Let's take this outside.

Neji: (_motherly tone_) Take care! Don't trip over the two lovers here!

Sasuke and Naruto: WE'RE NOT LOVERS!!

Neji: You two must learn to overcome denial. (**a/n**: quote me to tom, who had better be reading this. Tom, we know you luv her!!! xD cackles evilly.)

Gaara: Y'know, Tenten, you cross dress too.

Tenten: Do not!

Neji: Do **too**! You wear boxers! Nya!

Tenten: Ah-well…not all the time!

Neji: GASP! OMG NEWSFLASH!! TENTEN WEARS REGULAR GIRLS' PANTIES!!! Wait, I already knew that…

Tenten: Well, I wear them occasionally…sometimes under boxers cuz I want to…

Kiba: Nah, she doesn't; she goes commando.

Tenten: **SHUT THE (**_bleep_**) UP, INUZUKA AND STOP SPREADING THOSE DAMN RUMORS OR I'LL RIP YOUR TINY 5 CM BALLS OFF!**

Kiba: It's not **that** small!

Tenten: (rawr) **YOU THINK I GIVE A** (_bleep_

Shikamaru: Now, wouldn't they be a lovely couple? They'd argue about wedding plans, get married, argue about their house, have some children, argue in front of them, about them, argue about what lunch they should make, etcetera etcetera… **Splendid** show.

Gaara: I doubt they'd have the balls to argue about this in front of their kids though… _(watches the two in awe)_

_(The three stop talking for a while. Camera zooms in on Tenten and Kiba, who are still screaming at each other._

_Turns to Shikamaru)_

Shikamaru: (_amused_) Kiba's going to be the one without balls if he keeps it up with her.

Neji: maybe I should stop them?  
Shikamaru: Don't be stupid, you should know better than to stop their fights. We've known them since grade school.

_(camera turns to Gaara, who is kind of too close to the camera)_

Gaara: Don't go, Neji. (_whispers_) It's **No Man's Land**!

_(Turns back to Shikamaru)_

Shikamaru: Tenten will rip off the balls of any man who intrudes.

_(Settles in the middle on Tenten and Kiba wrestling with each other on the floor. Still yelling at each other.)_

Neji: (_undisturbed_) Sigh. I suppose I won't.

_(Camera is settled on the floor at an angle so Tenten and Kiba are still visible.)_

So Gaara. Still say you feel safe around Tenten?

Gaara: Nope.

Shikamaru: Since when did you feel safe around her?

Neji: Since he knew she wore boxers.

Shikamaru: But now you know she wears panties too.

Gaara: And that she really **does** PMS.

Shikamaruand Neji: You didn't know that before?

Gaara: Not really.

Shikamaru: Kid, you've got a lot to learn about Tenten.

* * *

Haha, sorry, probably way too many author alerts. Wow, this thing is OLD!! .. as in, three months old… And I wasn't supposed to be on the computer since… two months ago. Hehe… (_sweat drop_) Bet dad's wondering how I'm still alive and moping around.

Well! TWO MORE CHAPTERS TO GO!!! **I'M GOING TO TRY AND GET THE NEXT ONE NEXT WEEK! **IF I DO… Can I have somethin' special:3 Just kidding… I'll treat myself to some white choco chips…

Charli: If there's still any left next week.

CG: point…


	11. Deidara and Others

Waha! I'm here :P Yes, here, cough, on time. Listening to Under the Sea in Japanese, Kingdom Hearts II version. You'll see why. Cough.

Warnings: OOC-ness, Bar setting, cursing, more stupid ness and, uh…oh, right, streaking.

* * *

_(a big, shadowy face fills the whole screen .it is so big, that it is blurry, and impossible to tell who it is. Zoom out. The face has one black iris and one red iris. The face is slightly obscured by black bangs, but the rest of the hair is pulled back. The face has strange…wrinkles, er, creases on either side of the nose. A hand appears and brushes bangs, though they fall back in place again. Face grins goofily)_

Itachi: Dei-chan Dei-chan Dei-chan Dei-chan! I'm so excited!!!

_(zoom out, Itachi is seen full length, though actually a little hard to see. It appears to be night time, since it is dark but there are quite a few lights from the city. A truck zooms by. Itachi is wearing a dark tee shirt and dark jeans). _

Deidara: What what what what? Why are you so excited?

Itachi: We're going into a bar!

Deidara: Um, it's not the first time we've went, yeah.

Itachi: but it's the first time we've gone in with a camera! _(bounces in circles)_

Deidara: Er… okay, Itachi-kun, calm down, yeah?

Itachi: _(reaches behind camera)_ Come on, let's go! Go go go!!!

Deidara: I-itachi-kun…did you by chance get a hold of Sasuke's permanent marker before you got here?

Itachi: Hm? Marker? Oh yeah, I did! _(giggles)_ Sasu-kun was sleeping so I took his marker and drew on his face. I wrote "Naruto" on his cheek and put a heart around it. And then I drew lines on his face like mine. (_points to his wr-er, creases on his face)_ I know he secretly admires them. Who knows, he might actually have them when he grows up! I mean really, he looks just like me when I was a little kid! It's so cute!! _(waves hand)_ Dei-chan? Are you okay?

Deidara: Hm, oh, are you done? Er, I mean, Itachi-kun I think you should stay out here for a while and get some fresh air, yeah.

Itachi: No, I want to go in! I need a drink…

Deidara: No, you need fresh air. Plus, we have to wait for Kisame to get here, yeah.

Itachi: _(sits down on pavement) _Grr, Kisame no baka get here now! (_makes high pitched whiny sound)_ **a/n:** Cough, sorry, uh, interruption. I'm kind of basing Itachi off of me. hehe… Only, Jimmy is the one who gets high. I get accused of being on crack. Sasunaru is my drug!!!!! Back to the "story".

Deidara: (_mumbles_) I need to tell Sasuke to lock up his markers…

Itachi: (_turns_ _to_ _camera_) Camera!!! Poke poke poke! (_pokes_ _it_)

_(camera jerks away before returning back to Itachi, though at a distance)_

Deidara: Don't do that!

Itachi: (_sniffs_) Wah! Dei-chan is mad at me!

Deidara: (_sighs_) No, no, no! Dei-chan isn't mad, he just doesn't want you dirtying the camera lens, or else Director Dude will skin Dei-chan alive.

Itachi: Ohh… _(pokes camera again)_

Voice1: _(sing song voice)_ I'm here!!

_(camera turns to a talking shark. A big, talking, plushy shark.)_

Itachi: KISAME!!! _(flings self at shark)_ HE'S HERE, NOW WE CAN GO IN!!!!

Kisame: Ow. That still hurt, even through my shark suit. Why the hell did you bring a knife?

Itachi: Hm? I don't have a knife with me…

Deidara: Cough.

Kisame: Th-then, i-it's not…what I think it is, i-is it?

Itachi: _(reaches into pants…no, not THAT way, in, as in…erm… Charli: Stupid, just say "reaches into pocket" CG: oh. Okay. Reaches into pocket) _**Oh, it's Rock-chan!** _(coos, and pets pet rock)_

_(camera focuses on Kisame) _

Deidara: So…about your, uh, suit. Explain to the audience why you are wearing it.

Kisame: _(turns to camera)_ Once upon a time, there was a good guy named Kisame. He was indeed a good guy, but he didn't think things through very well sometimes. One day, he went and made a bet with a **STINKING CHEATER NAMED SASORI**—

Deidara: Sasori is not a "stinking cheater," he won the bet **fair** and **square**, Kisame!

Kisame: Fair and square my **ass**. Anyway, so this guy named Kisame made a bet with this guy named Sasori and lost. The **end**. THERE, I ADMITTED I DIDN'T THINK THINGS THROUGH THAT WELL, WHAT **MORE** DO YOU **WANT** ME TO SAY? THAT SASORI IS A GLORIOUS UBER SMEXY **SEX** **GOD?!!!**

_(cricket chirps)_

Itachi: Oh damn.

_(camera turns to Itachi who is digging through his POCKETS, again. The shark stomps over)_

Kisame: (_crossly_) **What**.

Itachi:_(whines)_ I forgot my lighter…and Kisa-kun is mad at me…

Kisame: (_puts_ _fins_ _in_ _air_) Thank you, Kami-sama! He forgot his damn lighter!

Itachi: But now they're gonna miss my show…

Kisame: **What** show?

Itachi: Duh, the lovely show where I've my lighter and I start a big bonfire and everybody contributes by feeding the bonfire their drinks and Rock-chan plays the super cool role of Side Kick Window Breaker when the barbarians and cannibals get angry and turn on us and—

Deidara: Oh, right I know how this show goes: Rock-chan breaks the window and together you two hop out and escape these "barbarians and cannibals," by **HOPPING RIGHT INTO A COPS CAR. AGAIN. **

Itachi: (sniff) Kisame AND Dei-chan are mad at me!! (puts head in hands and wails)

Deidara: I swear, not even **one** drink yet and he's like this!

Itachi: (_looks_ _up_) Speak of the devil's poop, I need one! Let's go Rock-chan! **You're** not mad at me, are you? I shall confide to you my problems over a few drinks, eh, Rock-chan? Yeah! (_walks_ _away_)

Kisame: Hey.

Deidara: I have a **name**.

Kisame: Deidara. Sorry for calling Sasori a cheater.

Deidara: Hn.

Kisame: …so…now that I've apologized, that makes you obligated to answer me one question.

Deidara: no, it **doesn't**, but fine.

Kisame: _(takes deep breath)_ Does this suit make me look fat?

Deidara: (_sigh_) No…

Kisame: You don't sound very sure, Dei-chan.

Deidara: **no**. it does **not** make you look fat. Besides, we all know you have sexy hott body underneath all that plush or whatever the hell you're wearing.

Kisame: Hehe. Yeah, I know. Thanks Dei-chan! Luv ya! _(runs off)_

Deidara: (_mumbles_ _angrily_) (_bleep_)ing cocky narcissist…oh well. I guess that's just always going to be the Kisame we know. Although now that I've told him that, tonight's probably going to be the fifth time he gets drunk enough to go streaking.

_(camera swivels 180 degrees to face Deidara)_

Deidara: If he does it before I can turn off the camera, be sure to blur him. **Blur him very well.** Director Dude will not be happy if he gets sued for scarring the minds of the innocent children who may be watching this. Now, to the bar!

_(stomps to the graffitti'd door. It is thrown open and a familiar black haired boy and a guy with an orange mask greet us)_

Deidara: Sai? What are you doing here?

Sai: (_innocent_ _face_) Karaoke and a few drinks?

Deidara: Sai! You're not allowed to be here!

OrangeMask: Yeah, Sai. You're a **bad** boy.

Sai: (_glares_) You brought me here, **Tobi**.

Tobi: (_looks_ _around_ _frantically_) **SHH!!!**

Deidara: Hn, looks like Tobi's the bad boy now, bringing an **underage** kid here.

Sai: I'm not a kid! I'm 18 in a few months! (**a/n:** I don't' know the drinking age in japan, but let's pretend it's 18, if it isn't)

Deidara: (_stern_) **No drinks. **

Sai: (_jaw_ _drops_) Oh, come on, Dei-chan! You're no fun! (_stomps_ _off_)

Tobi: So, since when did Deidara acquire the Mother Hen traits?

Deidara: Shut up, Tobi. I'm not in a good mood, an—oh (_bleep_).

Tobi: What? _(looks to the left and staggers back)_ Oh. No. **No**. That's **not** happening. That can't be happening. Already? No, no way. Oh my god, **QUICK DEI-CHAN, TURN THE CAMERA OFF!!!**

_(camera shakes around. Everything becomes a little blurry)_

Tobi: **is it off yet?!**

Deidara: I don't' think so! I can't find the button among the other buttons!

Sai: Hey, what are you guys doing?

Deidara: Looking for the off button. You didn't touch any drinks did you?

Sai: Why are you looking for the off button? Kisame's gonna sing karaoke!

Tobi Deidara: (_grimly_) We **know**.

_(Sai reaches for camera. We see Deidara with a look of horror on his face) _

Deidara: **NO, WHAT ARE YOU DOING SAI?!! **

_(We see the shark on stage behind the microphone)_

Sai: Silly, taping Kisame's performance! He told me to.

Tobi: No, don't do it, Sai! **You're going to wipe out half our fans!!!**

Sai: he can't be **that** bad.

Deidara: It's not his **singing**, it's— _(microphone feedback) _**ITAI**!!!

_(camera shakes horribly, then refocuses on Kisame. Zooms in expertly.)_

Kisame: _(clears throat) _Sorry about that, folks.

NearbyPerson: Oh (_bleep_) isn't he that one guy?!

NearbyPerson 2: The fat shark? Hm… oh (_bleep_) HE IS!!!_ (thud. He fainted)_

NearbyPerson: … Check please_. (chair screeches. He must have left)_

Kisame: It's good to see you guys again! I know you guys couldn't wait to see me again.

_(someone screams)_

Kisame: (_cringes_) Ow…uh…so, what was I saying? Oh, uh, well. I'm gonna sing… mah, how about you guys guess it? Haha! **SUSPENSE**!!!

_(crowd groans)_

Deidara: _(groans even loader)_

Tobi: (_meekly_) Three drinks?

Deidara: Approximately, yeah… (_bang_)

Sai: Deidara, don't do that. You'll lose brain cells that way.

Deidara: I'm probably going to end up losing them **all **in just a few moments…

_(Xylophone/Marimba/Whatever the Heck Intro of "Under the Sea" starts. Kisame starts swaying drunkenly. Crowd screams in agony.)_

Kisame: **tonari no kaisou wa aoku mieru sa **

_(Your neighbour's seaweed seems greener_

**riku ni yuku no wa ooki na machigai **

_(To go on land would be a big mistake_

**mawari wo mite goran kono umi no soko **

_(Look at your surroundings, at the bottom of this sea_

**nante suteki na sekai da kore ijou nani wo nozomu **

_(its such a lovely world, how could you wish for more?)_

**subarashii UNDER THE SEA**

_(Its wonderful, under the sea)_

Crowd: **SHUT THE** _(insert assorted colorful language)_ **UP**!

Bartender: **YOU'RE KILLING MY CUSTOMERS!**

_(lights flicker. Strobe lights come one. Music changes) _

Kisame: Thanks DJ Itachi!

_(another bang from behind the camera; Deidara. A __**SLAM**__! Crack! Tobi lost brain cells too, as well as his mask.)_

Kisame: I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt…

Tobi: _(leads the crowd in screaming)_ NOOOOO!!! **NOOOOOOOO!!!!!**

_(Onstage, Kisame takes off the top half of his shark costume. Tis Half Naked Kisame!)_

Tobi and Deidara: **TURN IT OFF!!!!!!**

Sai: Wha—**AAAHHH**!!! (_thud_)

_(Random grunts and cries of pain. Kisame continues singing. The crowd continues screaming in agony. Screen suddenly goes black.)_

* * *

um. 

…I didn't kill anyone did I?


	12. The Final Showdown dun dun dun

Hee, funny ad for dogpile on fanfiction: "Find the Impossible. (in the search box) 'Simon Cowell's Heart'" XD Last time I watched American idol was like three years ago.

I hope I don't disappoint you guys with this last chapterWHATTHEHELLMYCOMPUTERJUSTBEEPED!!!!

cough. sorry... i swear, that was creepy though... it just beeped! i didn't do anyting!!! (cries)

Oh, by the way... There's nothing disturbing in this chapter! So it's okay:3

* * *

_(scene: very big room filled with people. Wall to left hosts the doorway, which is open. Some people enter. Two long tables go vertically in the center of the room. Podium is at opposite wall, in line with the table. Camera is in line with table and podium. Table farthest away from camera has pie tins filled with white stuff. Table closest to camera has some pies and then a stack of pie tins and many cans of something or other on it. _

_Director Dude walks up to podium and taps microphone. Horrible feedback. Many people groan. A few scream)_

DirectorDude: **QUIET**!!!

_(cricket chirp)_

DirectorDude: Neji, will you **please** stop it with the cricket thing?

Neji: Sorry sir.

DD: _(clears throat)_ We, as in the Naruto cast and some crew, have assembled here today as a celebration of our first and last Behind the Scenes program.

Naruto: What? It's our last? Why?!

Sakura: Yeah! It was fun!

_(cast yells in agreement. Someone on the right side of the room turns around and holds a sign that says in big letters: CAMERAS MAKE UCHIHA SASUKE HORNY)_

Sasuke: Sai, you **ass**, put that down!

Sai: Ow! Sasuke-kun pinched me!

_(sign disappears. Another one appears on left side of room: TENTEN GOES COMMANDO)_

Tenten: Kiba, you –

_(very loud cricket chirp)_

DD: (_agitated_) Ahem, **ahem**, cough, **COUGH**!

Genma: Hayate, you okay?

Hayate: That wasn't me, idiot.

DD: The reason behind this is because of… an **incident** that happened with our last group.

_(everyone turns to the group of Akatsuki actors by the door. Kisame waves)_

Konohamaru: What did you guys do? What did you do?!!!

Ino: **Shush**!

Tobi: uh…

Sai: Oh, that! (_giggles_) That was fun!

Deidara: Sai, you will not say a word about what happened, yeah. Not. A. Word.

DD: Our camera suffered mild damage that we really cannot afford to happen again.

Deidara: (_snort_) Mild damage to your **camera**? If it hadn't been broken at that time our **viewers** would have suffered mild damage, yeah!

Tobi: They would have suffered **MAJOR** damage.

Deidara: Yeah!

DD: Well you had taken it to an inappropriate place where inappropriate things were likely to happen---

Konohamaru: Was it a strip bar? Dude, I wanna go to a strip bar!!!

Lee: **YOSHI! SEXY WOMEN AWAIT US!**

Tenten: Baka! Shut **UP**! You're embarrassing!

Deidara: The LIST said that anything was fine as long as there was_ (counts on fingers)_ no extreme swearing, no drug use, no suggestive themes, and no porn or nudity.

DD: Kisame was—

Deidara: _(loudly)_ And that is why we broke the camera trying to turn it off.

Tobi: It was Sai's fault! He wanted to keep it.

Naruto: **WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, DATTEBAYO?!!!**

Everybody: **SAI!!!**

Lee: Sai! Gaara says he will bravely face a fangirl if you tell us!

Gaara: (_bleep_) NO I WILL **NOT**!

Sakura: I'LL GO ON A DATE WITH YOU IF YOU LET ME KNOW!

Sai: Gasp, **really**, Sakura-chan?!

Sasori: Oh, hell, don't let **HER** know!

Sakura: What's **that** supposed to mean?!

Naruto: Sai, I'll let you write **ONE** short fan porn of me and Sasuke if you tell me.

Sai: Seriously? **SOLD**!!!

Sasuke: What? Naruto, you idiot!!

Naruto: I said "short"! Oh, and I have to be seme!

DD: **PEOPLE**!!

_(Suddenly something goes flying…crowd quickly parts…it hits Sai in the face and splatters on Naruto and Sasuke standing next to him. A pie tin replaces Sai's excited face)_

Sai: …(_yells_) IT'S **WHIPPED CREAM!!!!** WHOOT!!!

Sasuke: _(wipes off cream)_ Damn, is it time already?

_(Sasuke walks to the end of the table, in front of the camera. He whips out a white plastic apron out of nowhere and a white cloth head band that he ties over his forehead)_

Sasuke: _(monotone bored voice)_ I am the Cream Pie Man. Everybody load up.

_(everybody eagerly takes a pre-made pie)_

Voice: Be more enthusiastic, Sasuke!

Sasuke: _(glares at camera)_ No. Piss off.

_(camera wiggles a bit. A man with a shirt that says "official camera man" on the back runs for the door)_

Sasuke_: (raises arm)_ On your mark. Get set.

Naruto: GO!!! _(hurls pie at Deidara across the room)_

_(an arch of flying pies form over the tables in the middle of the room)_

Deidara: …ew, this isn't whipped cream!

Sasuke: _(whistles his theme song)_ Not all of them are. _(hands pie to Shikamaru)_

Shikamaru: Nah. Can I help though?

Sasuke: Sure. (_reaches down the table and tosses him a can)_

Shikamaru: What is it? The label's covered up.

Sasuke: _(eerily cheerfully)_ Mystery stuff. You have to put your Cream Pie Man outfit though. It guarantees you don't get hit. _(pulls out apron and headband from pocket)_

Shikamaru: …okay… _(puts it on and starts filling pie tins)_

Sasuke: _(shakes can)_ Dammit, it's not working… _(holds can out away from him and sprays… it onto passerby Sakura. In the face)_

Sakura: …oh, Sasuke-kun…

Sasuke: (_pales_)

Sakura: _(wipes cream from eyes, nose, and mouth) _That wasn't very **nice**, Sasuke-kun…

Sasuke: _(cowers a little)_ eep…

Sakura: _(looks at pie in her hand)_ you know, I was looking for a nice target. (_smiles_) I think I've found one.

Sasuke: N-no, Sakura! Don't do it! You'll regret it for the rest of your life!

_(Sakura prepares to throw)_

Sasuke: (_squeaks_) Sakura, let's think rationally for a moment. You don't want to do this, you know you don't. Deep down, you know it's wrong and you will be overwhelmed with guilt afterwards. I'm your friend. Think of instant karma, Sakura! Gasp! **NO! I'M THE PIE MAN! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!! **

_(pie seems to leave her hand in slow motion. Sasuke's eyes widen in horror and he ducks with ninja reflexes. Pie continues flying…Sakura's eyes widen…pie flies as Shikamaru turns around slowly… SPLAT)_

Shikamaru: … (_pie tin falls to floor with a clang) _**…(**_menacing__tone_) I thought you said this ridiculous outfit guaranteed I wouldn't get **hit**… Sasuke. _(vigorously shakes the can in his hand)_

Sasuke: Meep.

Shikamaru: I will show no mercy, Sasuke_. (holds out the can)_

_(PSSSSSHHHH… Sasuke's face looks even lovlier when it's full of..)_

Sasuke: Ugh… Shaving cream…**AAAH!!! IT BURNS!!** _(claws at face)_

_(Sakura laughs hysterically. Shikamaru smirks. Naruto arrives)_

Naruto: …haha, is that the bastard? **HAHA**!!

Sasuke: _(continues clawing at face full of cream)_ ?!!!

Naruto: Is that shaving cream? Ha, this one's whipped cream. Maybe it'll **help**, eh, Sasuke?

Sasuke: (_freezes_) Oh (_bleep_).

_(Naruto smashes the pie into Sasuke's face. He wipes of some excess cream and draws a swirl on the bottom of the pie tin that replaced Sasuke's cream filled face)_

Naruto: Hey, look guys! It's **Tobi**! _(slaps Sasuke on the back)_ What's up **Tobi**? How ya doing?

Sasuke: Grr. (_throws off pie tin and wipes off most of the cream)_ I have a **can** you know.

Naruto: Well I can **STEAL** a can, you know. And I think that's just what I'll do. _(takes last can on the table and runs off. Pauses and turns around to stick out his tongue at Sasuke)_

Sasuke: (_sigh_) Idiots. They're all the same. _(pulls out another can from pocket) _

Kiba: hey, I want another pie! _(splat. Pie tin slides down and clatters to the floor)_ I meant one to throw…

Sasuke: I am the Cream Pie Man.

Kiba: Course you are. You're face is full of it.

Sasuke (_scowl_) You want a cream pie? **I'LL GIVE YOU A** (_bleep_)**ING CREAM PIE!!!**

Kiba: (_O.O")_ Whoa, I kid, man, I **kid**!

Sasuke: …(_smiles_) Okay then, here's your pie. That'll be 1000 yen.

Kiba: That's a lot for a pie that's not gonna last more than thirty seconds…

Sasuke: Then you should make it last. Hey, I gotta make a profit. Cream and pie tins are not free, you know. _(balances Kiba's pie on his head and makes another pie)_

Kiba: (_sigh_) fine. _(gives Sasuke money)_

Sasuke: OMG, **REALLY**?!! (_grabs_ _money_) Here's your pie!

Kiba: **WOOT! CREAM PIE IS MINE!**

Sasuke: …oi. This is **play** **money**…Damn Kiba. What kind of idiot carries around play money? (_shrugs_) Oh well. _(buries money in a cream pie)_

Kiba: So who should I throw it at…?

_(suddenly, a flying white thing comes at Kiba's head. It's a bird! It's a plane! It's a pie! No, wrong, it's Akamaru!)_

Akamaru: **AROOOO**!!! _(lands on Kiba's head)_

Kiba: Looks like you've got the fighting spirit too! Did you get some pie throwing action?

Akamaru: … **arf**. _(a/n: Kiba. He's a dog. He cannot throw. Kiba: He's Akamaru! He can do anything! CG: uh huh, se what he's doing now.)_

_(Akamaru hops down from kiba's head and gets into "the stance." Kiba stares in horror)_

Kiba: Oh damn. Hey, Akamaru, what do you think you're doing? No, you are not—

Akamaru: …(_whiz_)

Kiba: (_cries_) NO!!! AKAMARU, YOU JUST PISSED ON MY PIE!!! … _(suddenly smirks) _You just pissed on my pie…

Akamaru: **Arf**. (Why yes, yes I did indeed. Dumbass.)

Kiba: Wahaha! Yes! That was awesome! You're a smart dog, Akamaru! A smart dog!

Akamaru: **Awoo**! ( I know. About time someone acknowledged my brilliance.)

Kiba: Whoo! Okay, random throw. _(takes pie in both hands, faces the camera, and chucks it backwards into the crowd of pie throwers/receivers)_ Who'd it hit, Akamaru?

_(the pie sails through the air… it starts to descend… it lands. Destination: On Hinata's chest)_

Akamaru: **Woof**. (Sayonara, bitch) _(runs off)_

Kiba: Hey, where are you going?!!

_(Very angry girl stomps over to perplexed Kiba)_

Hinata: Kiba!!!

Kiba: (_gulp_) Yo! Hehe… _(waves slowly)_

Hinata: _(grabs Kiba by the shirt collar)_ You wanna say "yo" to me? I'll give you a "yo" back!

Kiba: **EEP**!! **Akamaru told me to!!**

Hinata: (_drags_ _Kiba_) We're taking this **outside**, dogboy.

Kiba: Waaah!!!

_(Hinata and Kiba head for the door. Suddenly "low battery power" flashes across the screen, and disappears)_

Deidara: (_loudly_) Hey, you know who hasn't gotten a pie yet?

Itachi: Director Dude!!!

Sasori: Yes, we must give our heart felt thanks to him.

Tobi: In the form of a pie.

Zetsu: Yes.

Itachi: _(turns to Zetsu)_ Hey, no fair, you've got that thing up!

Zetsu: …

Itachi: That's not fair at all. You need to experience the joy and bliss of getting a crème pie in your face, Zetsu-chan!

Zetsu: …no.

Itachi: Yes.

Zetsu: **No**.

Itachi: **YES**!!! _(pushes pie into Zetsu's face)_

Tobi: But now you can't throw it at Director Dude.

Kisame: I wanna throw it in Zetsi's face too! (_does just that_) Double the joy and bliss, eh? Haha!

Zetsu: …(_deathly aura around him)_

Sasori: Okay, I'll start. Director Dude, I want to thank you for letting me in charge of make-up. I enjoyed it, and I will enjoy it in the future. Popcorn, Kankuro!

Kankuro: Thanks for putting me in charge of stunts! Popcorn…Naruto!

_(low battery flashes again, but stays)_

Naruto: Thanks for letting me bring in Asako-chan all the time! And, uh, sorry about the time she barfed on your seat before you sat in it… Popcorn, Gaara!

_(low battery power)_

Gaara: Thanks for strengthening security to ward off fangirls.

Everybody: **THANK YOU DIRECTOR DUDE!!!**

_(a million pies fly to the podium in slow motion…they near the podium…Director Dude's eyes go wide, and so does his mouth to yell something… The pies fly closer… and closer… one pie is looks very close to his face, and…._

_Screen goes blank.)_

Haha, I'm sorry. It's D.D's fault for not charging it first. Nyahh!

The last chapter is out!!!

Or is it? O.o


	13. Questions?

Edit: how come i have more views for this thing than my previous chapter? O.o?

Well, anyway... um... Right, Here's some pics. :D There's...Kisame, Sasuke, Neji (who looks horrible, DUNLOOKATHIM) and Gaara with Panda-chan!! Gasp!!! htt p://copygeijutsuka.deviantart. com/art/Behind-the-Scenes-sketches-63091738 (get rid of the spaces)

Hi again Behind the Scenes readers!!!

Sorry, this is not a real chapter, but it's very important (_gasp_).

Okay, so this isn't really troublesome at all to do this! I would like some cooperation from you people!!! (_Readers groan_) I'm sorry. I know how you feel. I don't like cooperating usually either. That's why I usually never raise my hand at school.

But really, I need you guys!! (_begs_)

Charli: O.O Okay, I know you don't have any pride but there must at least be a little tiny drop or something.

CG: What?

Charli: You do NOT get down on your knees and beg!

CG: ... fine... (_gets up_)

**1. I would like you to tell me which chapter was your favorite! **

**2. I would liek to know if you have any questions, regarding this fiction.** such as... Um...

Why is gaara afraid of fangirls?

Or why does Itachi wear purple thongs?

Why does Neji say gasp?

I don't know, but something like that! Okay? Just, any questions, ask it!

**Put them in a review for this chapter!! **This chapter gets to hog all the reviews cough i mean questions:D

Please??? If I don't get at least... like.. 10-15 different questions, I can't make another chapter! Really. Don't think that I'm holding back a chapter hostage for reviews. I'm not. I will have NOTHING unless I get some questions! BEcause, trust me, if you let me make up some questions you would probably die at the stupid unfunny-ness of it. sigh...

I got depressed yesterday...I don't know why... but i also got hit in the stomach with a tennis ball yesterday. And then I hit SasukeEmoAvenger with a tennis ball too. On accident of course. If I was aiming for her, it wouldn't have hit. I suspect he hit me on purpose...he has deadly good aim. Doesn't he, SEA?

Depression...

Charli: (whacks CG with a tennis racket) This is not your therapy session you are boring the crap out of your readers shut the hell up and get on with your miserable life you pathetic little...

CG: ... that was mean...

Charli: Pathetic little... damn. I can't think of something.

CG: Old hag?

Charli: Yeah. that. you pathetic little old hag.

CG: ...

CG: ...I. AM. NOT. LITTLE.

Charli: and she's up and flaring again. Ciao. (jogs off)

CG: ... and now she's off and thinks i'm going to hunt her down when i'm not, I can go back to moping.

Jimmy: Anyway. Don't forget. Questions. 10-15 at least. Tell your favorite. Share with us by reviewing. Or PM if you think this story got way too many reviews than it deserves.

CG: (sigh) because it probably did... (cries)

Jimmy: ...(offers sharpie)

CG: It smells sweet...


	14. Chapter Something or Other

_(We appear to be in a small room of some sort…lots of white rectangles are seen everywhere…There is a moving blur that won't shut up…"_

Voice 1: **CHAOS!! IT'S ALL CHAOS!! CHAAOOOOSSSS!!!!**

Voice 2: Shut up, Naruto! And stop throwing the papers everywhere!

Voice 3: Hey! You're messing everything up!

Naruto: **Chaos!!!**

Voice 2: Grrr…

_(thud)_

Naruto: Oww…

_(Papers finally start to drift down towards the floor. We see… a boy with oddly styled spiky black hair who is staring downwards. He is sitting at a table. A girl with longish blonde hair is standing up, gathering some papers together that are strewn across the table. A blond male pops up in front of the camera)_

Naruto: Teme! Why'd you trip me?!!

Sasuke: (_rolls__eyes_) It was kind of supposed to.

Naruto: (_wails_) why are you so mean to me?!!

_(Naruto walks to the table and sits next to Sasuke, who kind of blocks the view of the blond)_

Ino: It's his odd way of showing love…

Naruto: _(wrinkles nose)_ eew…

Sasuke: You read too many damn fanfictions, Ino.

Ino: (_shrugs_) Well, Sai emails them to me and I just can't resist them! (_smiles_)

Naruto: _(looks around the room)_ Everyone's late…

Sasuke: Everyone, as in, less than ten people…

_(door nearby opens) _

Voice 1: Hello, we're—**Oh My Gahd…**

Voice 2: What's—holy (_bleep_).

Voice 3: GASP!!!  
Voice 4: Will you idiots just go—**WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED IN HERE?!!**

_(additional people file in, in the order of… Temari, Itachi, Neji, Hinata, Gaara, and--)_

Voice 5: SAI IS **HEEERE**!!!

Voice 2: Sai-kun, you're going to slip on the pa—

Sai: **AAAH**!

_(thud)_

Sai: Oww…why is there paper everywhere? Is this my punishment for that lemon I wrote last night?

_(Naruto scrambles out of his chair and picks Sai up by the collar)_

Naruto: WHAT LEMON?!! TELL ME!!! **WHAT** **LEMON**?!! (_shakes_ _Sai_)

Sai: hbbtchikashinm…

Naruto: …I don't know what the hell you just said, **BUT TELL ME!**!! IT BETTER NOT BE ABOUT ME AND

Ino: Naruto! Stop trying to kill him!

_(Naruto glares at Sai and drops him._

_Thud_)

Sai: Ow…again…

Sasuke: …(_kicks__Sai_) What are you doing here? Nobody cares about you.

Sai: That's not nice, Sasuke-kun!

Sasuke: **I'm Not Nice.**

Sai: (_wails_) why are you so mean to me?!!! (**a/n:** sound familiar?)

Gaara: Are we the only ones to come here?

Ino: Yeah, I guess.

Neji: Oh, I can tell you why.

Gaara: No thanks.

Neji: Tenten-chan and Kiba-kun are running around the whole city cuz they lost a bet to Shino-kun, who is running from some random girls that he asked that boxers and briefs question to, and, um, Kakashi-san is still hiding from Iruka-san, and Lee is probably out stalking girls again and Shikamaru thinks this would be troublesome answering some random questions and Chouji was on his Playstation and probably still is. Deidara-san stole Sasori-san's puppets cuz he just likes to steal puppets but Sasori-san doesn't really care cuz he knows he'll get 'em back anyway sooner or later so he's out looking at some new make up stuff or whatever and, uh, Kankuro is looking for one of his puppets that Deidara-san hid that one time but right now in the meantime, he's waiting at some shop to get his puppet fixed up that he just found yesterday. And I dunno what Sakura-chan's doing…

Everybody: …

Neji: (_looks__at_ _camera_) Okay, so let's get started!! Whooo!!

_(cricket chirps)_

Itachi: I've always wanted to do that…

Neji: Gasp! Itachi-san, **you're** the one who stole my cricket chirper?!!

Itachi: Yes, and you'll never get it back!! Ha ha ha! _(runs out of the room)_

Neji: Gasp! Theif! **COME BACK WITH MY CRICKET CHIRPER!!!**

Hinata: **Buahaha**!!

Everyone: _(O.o?)_

Hinata_: (pulls something out of pocket)_ Itachi-san may have the cricket chirper, but I, Hyuuga Hinata, have possession of the ultimate weapon!! **The Ultra Sound FX 2000!** _(presses random buttons)_

_(Dundun dun dun…)_

Gaara: Cool… dramatic music… (_muses_) That should be my theme song. Yeah…

(_slam_)

Sasuke: (_face__down_ _on_ _the_ _table_) That **idiot**. I am not related to him…not related…don't know him…no…

Itachi: (_far__away_) **MY LIL BRO!!!!!**

_(Itachi comes flying in the room and latches onto Sasuke, who screams)_

Sasuke**: I HATE YOU.**

Itachi: And I love publicly humiliating you. (_grins_) May I take this place, Naruto-kun?

Naruto: Sure. _(gets up)_

Sasuke: No! Naruto! Stay there!

Naruto: Nuh uh.

Sasuke: Naruto, **sit next to me dammit!**

_(cricket chirps)_

Neji: I know, I know, I have perfect timing.

Hinata: **OMG** that was totally a SasuNaru moment!

Sai: Sasuke-kun, could you say that again just a little less demandingly? More pleading like is better…

Sasuke: No!!! I just don't want Itachi sitting next to me!

Itachi: Oh, you could have just said so...

Temari: Hey, where is he? _(looks around)_

Gaara: Who?

Temari: Edo-kun! Wasn't he with us?

Neji: Who's Edo?

Temari: My little brother!!! I brought him with me.

Neji: …oh, I think he stopped following us when we passed the coffee machine. He said he wanted a cappuchino, but I think I was the only one who heard…

Temari: Are you sure he's there?

Neji: Who's there?

Temari: …what?

Neji: What **what**?

Temari: Is. He. At. The. Coffee. Machine?

Neji: Is who at the coffee machine?

Temari: **EDO-KUN!!!**

Neji: That name sounds familiar… hm…oh, yeah! That short blond guy?

Voice 1: **WHO ARE YOU CALLING SHORT YOU GIRLY BOY?!!!!**

_(A boy with long blond hair tied back in a ponytail storms into the room and glares up at Neji)_

Neji: Gasp! His royal shortness is here.

Temari: Neji, don't call him short. You know he hates being called short.

Neji: Of course I do. That's why I'm doing it.

Ed: Why you! (_aims a kick at Neji's head)_

Neji: (_dodges__it_) I'm a ninja! You can't—(_gets socked in the face)_ GAAAH!! Gasp!! You have a **metal** arm?!!!

Temari: Edo-kun, why are you wearing that here?

Ed: (_shrugs_) Because I like it.

Naruto: Whoa, you guys sound the same…that's weird.

Ed: Yeah. It's kind of a problem. Whenever we call okaa-san or otouto-san they can't tell if it's me or nee-chan (**a/n**: a friend of mine has that problem. He called his parents and left a message, and told me he hoped his parents could tell that it was him who needed a ride and not his sister, because they can't tell his and his sister's voices apart. I don't know his sister…)

Temari: Everyone, this is Ed, my little brother.

Sai: Hey, wait a minute, **you're the Full Metal Alchemist!**

Ed: (_smiles_) Yeah.

Sai: I've written **so much** fanfiction about you!!!

Ed: _(stops smiling)_ You have? Tell me it's not me and Roy?

Sai: That pairing seems to be pretty popular…

Ed: _(stomps foot)_ I don't know why girls like damn YAOI so much!

Sasuke: You can say that again…

Naruto: Damn right! Let's form… an anti-YAOI club!!! **(a/n:** Your attempts are futile!! Buahaha!! Cough…)

Hinata: No way! All your attempts would be futile! **YAOI shall rule the world!!**_(takes out Ultra Sound FX 2000) _

_(Dun dun dun…)_

Temari: Fine, you guys go into a little corner and do that. _(turns to Ino)_ You seem to be the responsible one in here.

Neji: Cough.

Temari: What are we here for?

Ino: Well, thanks to _someone_ _(glares at Naruto)_ everything was all messed up, but I got it all picked up. We're answering some questions!

Gaara: _(turns to Neji)_ What color are my eyes?

Neji: Blue. **(a/n**: they really do look green, but I've read that they're blue… so I just color them green-blue. :D)

Gaara: There. We answered a question. Can we leave now?

Ino: Haha, very funny.

Itachi: That's a buttload of questions you've got there.

Ino: Well, there's some really stupid ones that I had sorted out, but since they just recently got messed up…you all can help me. (_smiles_) The sooner we get through this the sooner we can go. Besides, if we help clean out all this paper, maybe Director Dude will let us do Behind the Scenes again! Did you know all this stuff was crammed into a closet? I was walking down the hall one day and I saw this closet with a weird slot in it with some papers sticking out so I made Sakura steal the key and open it, and she got overrun by an avalanche of paper. It was hilarious!

Gaara: Wait, back up, so what's this camera doing here then?

Ino: This is our secret Behind the Scenes thing. Director Dude doesn't know about it.

Gaara: Ohhh…

Ino: Well, sit down.

_(Since Edo-kun, Naruto, and Sasuke are in a corner discussing their plans for an Anti-YAOI club, and Itachi is still in the chair that used to be next to Sasuke's place, Neji sits next to Itachi, Gaara sits next to Neji, and Sai sits next to Gaara. Temari, Hinata and Ino sit on the other side of the table)_

Ino: Okay, so…I'll just give you all each a bunch of stuff and you can just yell out any reasonable questions and toss the stupid ones. _(hands out paper stacks)_

Itachi: Hey, how do they know I have a purple thong?

Neji: Gasp! It's true?!!

Itachi: I'm guessing Sasu-chan told you all… Hm, that sneaky little boy…

_(a screech is heard, like the metal chair legs scraping against the linoleum floor)_

Gaara: …Neji, get off of my lap.

_(a whimper is heard, and then a thud)_

Neji: Aw…you could have dropped me more lightly…

Temari: Ew, omg, seriously, Itachi-san? A _thong_?!

Itachi: (_cheerfully_) A purple one!

Temari + Ino + Hinata: EEWWW!!!

Sasuke: Why are blonds so loud…?

Temari + Ino + Ed + Naruto: OI WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?!!

Sasuke: It means I think you all should shut up every once in a while.

Ed: You have no regard for your life, do you, duckbutt?!

Sasuke: DON'T CALL ME **DUCKBUTT**!!!

Ed: DON'T CALL ME **SHORT**!!!

Sasuke: I **DIDN'T**!!!

Ed: WELL **SO WHAT?!!**

Naruto: **SHUT UUUUPPPPPP!!!!!**

_(cricket chirp)_

Sai: I have a black one!!

Temari: A black what?

Sai: Duh. Thong?!!

_(Dong…)_ (**a/n:** y'know, that sorta dull dong sound you hear when …y'know…ah, never mind. But it's a dong sort of sound.)

Okay, sorry, this chapter was sorta lame, and pointless…like all the other chapters, actually… (_sweatdrop_) and no questions were really answered but I just wanted to get this up so you all know that I'm going to update one more chapter!!! yeah!!! Right?

Sorry for any typos if there are any... i'm using MS word, so that really helps. otherwise there'd be a buttload of errors. x.x

Wanna see Ino, Temari, and Hinata's reaction? Hehe... http ://copygeijutsuka. deviantart. com/art/Eeeww-62295196 (minus the spaces)


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